Christmas Time and Joyful Tears

I have always loved Christmas time.  The music, the lights, the smell of pine filling the house, the garland, the process of putting up and taking down decorations, and most of all the comfort of family surrounding me.  My parents have always made it a priority to remind us that it is not about the presents and all the fuss the world has made it to be, but instead always directed us towards the true meaning.  The birth of our precious Savior.  During our morning tradition of eating Monkey Bread fresh from the oven, Dad would usually read from the Bible and we would pray together.  It was a moment of peace amongst the bickering we siblings often started, much to my mother's disdain.  Looking back now, I love that moment most (and the stockings and presents of course!).  The peace.  Jesus came to bring us peace where there once was fear, and hope where we once felt lost.

Last year at this time of year, I was in my third trimester and overwhelmed with the joy my bulging belly brought to my life.  Every Christmas song I heard about baby Jesus brought forth a flood of tears as I sat thinking of all the possible emotions Mary must have felt as she was preparing to bring the Son of God into the world.  What a scary, emotional, joyous, overwhelming, honoring place to be in.  Oh, the tears I shed!  I would automatically place my hands on my belly and press firmly on my precious child's body and feel her move beneath my hands.  My heart would feel heavy with emotion and begin to beat a bit faster in those moments of admiration for that young girl Mary and the gift she was given and gave to the world.  To me.  How unworthy, but forever grateful I am!  I didn't know my sweet girl yet, or even that she was in fact a baby girl, but my love for her was something I had never experienced in my short 26 years.  Something so surreal.  So big.  So full.

As I sit here writing this, my little girl is sleeping soundly in her yellow room, atop her polka dot sheets, with her pink lovey.  Peace.  She brings me more joy than I thought humanly possible.  What did Mary think as she watch baby Jesus sleep, wrapped in swaddling clothes snuggled close to her body?  I imagine she shed many joyous tears.  A love so large, so pure.  My heart is filled with gratitude for the gift of God's Son, born to a young couple, to walk among us and show us the way to life eternal.

This morning I read a snippet from a woman's blog posted by my cousin, and I want to share part of what she had to say.  It is beautiful, and a great truth.

"Amanda and I sat on the kitchen floor last Friday and listened to The Little Drummer Boy again and again and I cried and cried. Amanda snuggled deep into my lap and she kept turning around, cupping my chin in her hands, tilting her little head and saying, “Are okay?” Are okay?” I nodded, held her tight, inhaled her neck and used all of my senses to take her in. I marveled at how she could offer me so little, how she could, in truth, be such an incredible drain, and how I could still adore her so completely. How I could cry just thinking of her. How I’ve memorized every roll on her thighs, every red streak in her hair, the feel of her velvety cheek, and every expression her face has ever made. How there is nothing she could ever do to make me love her any more or any less. How she is already everything she needs to be for me. How she is a reflection of all that is true and good in me, because I made her.
When she started rubbing her eyes, I put her inside her crib and watched her fall asleep. I love her most at the moment she decides to trust me to keep her safe, and so her eyelids close and she falls away and just breathes. And when she awakens and I walk into her room, she turns her face toward me, throws her arms in the air and says Mama, and it’s enough to drive me to my knees in gratitude and awe and never get back up.

Maybe God gave me my little girl so that I might understand how he feels about His little girl.

I know, with my whole body, mind, and soul, that the way I love my baby girl is the same way God loves me. He has memorized every hair on my head and he watches me sleep and wake and when I cry He pets my hair and says “Are okay?” He has never, ever let go of my hand. When I run, He follows, and He never grows tired or weary. His plans for me are more beautiful than I can dream and He wants me to come to him like a child because that’s the way He loves me most. Empty handed. Utterly dependent, with no gifts to bring. He looks at my face and my outstretched, empty hands and He sees his little baby girl. The little girl He created. I don’t have to be a grown up with Him. I don’t have to be a wife or a mother or a friend or a teacher or a writer or a woman in his presence. He created me solely because He wanted someone to love. So that’s all I have to be, someone to love. He wants me to rest in the truth that there is nothing I can do to make Him love me any more or any less. He already knows about the choices I made yesterday – no need to be ashamed, and he already knows what will happen tomorrow – no need to be afraid. He doesn’t want me or need me to be anything more than the needy bundle of tears and love that I was the day I was born and that I am today, on the kitchen floor. He just wants me to sit still and accept His gift, which today is the sensation that my heart might explode as His love and adoration flow from Him through me, His baby girl, and into my baby girl."

Thankful.  Loved.

Movie Monday!

Here are a few recent snippets of Zaylee over the past few weeks.  She is a hoot!

For being the youngest of 11 grandkids, she certainly can hold her own and just goes with the flow.  The flow being chaos, carried around like a doll, hit over the head by the other babies, and just hanging out around the table chatting!

These days, Zaylee has become fearless and thinks she can do just about anything.  This is an example of her thinking she can go hands free and just magically stand on her own two feet!  Soon enough she will, but for now it's fun to watch her try and fail.  Does that make me a bad mom?  I just love the snuggles afterwards! 

We haven't introduced any form of cartoons to the little lady just yet, and plan to put it off as long as we can, but she loves music and today I showed her a little video.  She loved it and actually danced a little to the music.  Too sweet!! 

 

My two water lovers having fun in the hotel pool! 

                                   

These two are starting to have fun together, and it's the cutest thing to watch them crawl around the house with one another! 

On a side note, I LOVE this time of year and can't wait to decorate our house (we are behind!) and just fill it with all the Christmas cheer that I have been feeling for weeks now!!  I get all giddy like a little kid when I see the houses all decorated and festive...even the crazy, over the top, borderline out of control Clark Griswold style ones!  Currently listening to Amy Grant's christmas albums on repeat and loving every minute.

Thanksgiving!

The Lord has blessed us richly this year, and we are continually overwhelmed by His unfailing love and grace.  Thanksgiving was a great weekend with the McKendrick side of the family in Lake Geneva.  We are so thankful to have TWO families that are so full of people that we love so dearly.  Two sets of parents that have raised us to love the Lord with our whole hearts.  Two sets of Grandparents that pour out so much love for our sweet Zaylee Jean.  Two sets of siblings that are both near and far, with the blessing of friendship in each of them.  Nieces and nephews galore, and two more on the way!  We are rich, as Mamie Jeannie says.  So very rich! 

Such a big girl!

Fun with Craigie!

Headbutt! She was loving this game!

Love those blue eyes!

He loves when I bother him...really he does!

So thankful for Grandma D

We were thankful for her help at the end of the night! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Time is going so fast, and Zaylee is learning so many new things these days!  So much to be grateful for, and feeling very blessed. 

Bathing Beauty

Bath time is an every other day occurrence for little Zay, but something we all look forward to.  Paul and I both love giving her baths, and I always try to wait for him to be home and it becomes a family event.  We love those special moments with the three of us, and I know it is important for him to be able to feel a part of things as much as he can since he is away all day.  As I've said many times, Zaylee loves the water, and it just keeps becoming more and more apparent as she gets older and can express her excitement.  While we are stripping her down, she squeals and kicks those sweet little legs of hers in the air as we make our way to the bathroom.  As I reach for the faucet and the water begins to fill the tub, she eagerly stands watching the bubbles form, holding on to the ledge with her tiny, little body bouncing up and down.  There is nothing cuter!!

Today was one of those days that I was so tired, lazy, and lacked every bit of motivation to do anything around the house.  On days like this, I try to find things to easily entertain both Zaylee and myself, as she seems to sense the laziness in me and becomes bored much more easily!  Bath time is always an easy fix and requires little energy, and is a perfect transition into a long (hopefully!) afternoon nap :) 

She is such a happy girl, and I just love her sweet smile!!

8 Months

Zaylee girl's stats:

Weight:  14 lb.
Height:  26 in.

Last week we had a weight check for our little peanut, and she is moving right along gaining and growing each day!  Since our appointment, she has even stepped up in the eating department more than she already had.   It is fascinating to me she literally will eat ANYTHING we give her, with the exception of carrots.  She gags so forcefully it is almost entertaining to watch.  I'd rather her gag on those opposed to something with a higher caloric index as she needs all the extras she can get :)  I have made sweet potatoes for her, but she hates the texture so I end up having to water them down.  I wish I were the type that had the desire to make my baby girl her own food, but I'm thankful I never kid myself into thinking that would be something I would make a habit of, and honestly she LOVES baby food, so I am taking the easy route!  She truly enjoys Plum Organics, and they are all natural with no added flavors or sugars, so I don't feel bad giving them to her.  I hope to start giving her more foods that we are eating and cut the amount I am currently buying down to save a little cash flow, but for now we are both enjoying meal times and that is what matters most to me! 

Our sweet little lady still refuses a bottle, but we are making a bit of progress on the sippy cup.  She at least holds it and soothes her aching mouth by biting down while letting drips of water touch her tongue.  Eventually she will understand that it is more than just a chew toy :)

She gets more and more fun as the days go by, and as much as I want her to stay little forever, each stage is a whole new kind of special.  Climbing, crawling, standing, walking (while holding our hands of course!), and getting into everything she is not supposed to, are her favorite things at the moment.  She talks all the time these days, but as our Irish doctor's said, "She is a very passive baby".  I had to ask what she meant by this, and passive means a quiet, gentle baby.  That is our girl.  Sweet to the core.  Although, recently she is starting to show signs of a little feisty girl trying to break through, especially when she has had enough food and wants out of her chair.  It makes us laugh now, but in a few more months it will not be looked at as funny, but rather unacceptable, as her daddy won't tolerate screaming to get what she wants.  Another reason I am thankful for him, we agree on most every point of discipline and parenting!  We shall see how true that stays as our little sweet, perfect baby becomes a naughty toddler.  But wait, that will never happen, because she will stay perfect forever! ;)  I've already started praying for patience and understanding for the years to come, because the Lord knows I will need it.  For now, I will just enjoy these special, wonderful moments with my loving little lady and her adorable personality that shows more and more each day!  Love her so.

TEETH!

Last week at our doctor's appointment, I asked the doc to take a look at her gums and see if she could tell if any teeth were starting to make their way to breaking free.  She poked around and said it would probably be a bit longer before anything started popping through.  I hadn't paid much attention after that, and Zaylee wasn't acting as if anything was bothering her so I figured she would remain our little, wide, gummy smiley baby girl for a while longer.  Our last night in Door County she woke up three times, but I just figured it was the cool room, or light from the moon shining in that was keeping her from her normally peaceful slumber.  We drove down to Lake Geneva for Remington's first and Micah's 8th combined birthday bash!  She was her normal, happy self the entire ride hardly making a peep, other than when she was talking to herself while playing with her feet. 
As we were partying with the family, I was commenting on how Zaylee will probably be one of those kids who doesn't get teeth until their first birthday or something like that, and that I honestly didn't mind since she already thinks it's funny to bite me while eating!!  While I was saying this, I decided to feel her lower gums, and to my great surprise, SHE HAD A TOOTH!  I could hardly believe it!  The next day, after church we were talking about how it was so fun that she got a tooth and Paul wanted to feel it again.  When he did, he noticed a SECOND tooth!  Our little baby girl has two little teeth, and we couldn't be more thrilled.  We are sad to see her gummy smile come to an end, but are having so much fun watching her grow and develop into a little baby girl filled with so much personality! 

Mini-Vacay

Two weeks ago, Paul was given three free vacation days to use up by the end of the year, and we jumped on the chance for five whole days together immediately!   My dear friend from high school, Cara, lives up in the back woods of Door County, WI, and it had been far too long since I had seen her and spent some good quality time with her.  I had never been up that far north in my great state of Wisconsin, and thought it would be the perfect, budget friendly trip to take as a last minute vacation with our little family of three.

Wednesday morning we woke up around 8 and started preparing for the trip.  Paul took Zaylee girl with him to get the oil changed, while I cleaned the house and packed the bags.  Packing for a three, a baby being one of those, is a lot more work then you might think.  Babies have A LOT of needed things, and their little itty bitty clothes take up so much space when packing for five nights, which really means ten outfits for the occasional wetting through the first outfit of the day.  In Zaylee's case, this happened at least once every day of this trip!  I always worry she isn't getting enough milk, but with the way this girl has been peeing lately, I'm most certain she is, in fact, getting plenty!!
Zaylee is such a champ on car rides.  We are always amazed at how well she does just chilling in her seat talking to herself and her bunny boo.  It was about a five hour drive, with an hour bumper to bumper traffic.  During that dreaded hour, I went back for a bit with Zay and let her get out of her seat for some much needed stretching.  She LOVED it.  Her face lit up as she leaned against the window, jumping up and down on my lap.  Cars next to us would smile at her, which of course filled her with so much excitement.  It never gets old watching the animation on her little face as she sees new things and experiences things for the first time.  She is just so much fun!

We made it up to Cara's around 5:30, and were shocked by the amount of darkness that surrounded us as we navigated through the trees to find her house hidden among them.  She didn't mention to me that she lived in the middle of nowhere!  We found so much humor in this fact, as we joked about our city-slicker selves.  I always thought I was more country then I was city girl, until I pulled up to her house in the forest.  She greeted us in the driveway with her puppy Jax, and led the way up the porch to her humble abode.  It was a decorated in just my style, and I loved every bit of the house she had made her own.  Zaylee got acquainted quickly with Jax the dog, and Lola the cat.  This girl LOVES animals and is not one bit afraid of them.  We ate some pizza, and sat around talking the whole night just catching up on life and reminiscing on our old high school days. 

We woke up Thursday morning bright and early at 6:45!  There was no rushing back to sleep with the sunrise embracing us through the big open windows.  Zaylee was fascinated by all the trees that surrounded us, and the chickens running between the multitude of tall, slender, bare trunks.  We ate fresh eggs, and were blown away at the goodness that oozed out of those dark yolks soaking into our toast.  Oh the delicious difference in a fresh egg versus a store bought!  Paul will never enjoy an egg the same way...until he owns his own chickens some day :)

My attempt at a family self portrait.

Can you tell she LOVES being on daddy's shoulders?!

After our delicious breakfast the three Tabs headed out to our hotel in Egg Harbor.  We had plans to walk around to the different shops and have a nice meal out since we rarely ever eat out any more and it was vacation so it was a must!  Neither plan became reality, as the towns were something you see in a Zombie movie, and the restaurant that was open was a big disappointment on the ol' taste buds!  We weren't going to let anything get in the way of our fun family time, and just rolled with it.  The hotel allowed us to check in a few hours early, as we were one of the three guests staying there, and we set up our stuff in the room and headed to the pool!  The water was perfect, and we had the place all to ourselves.  Zay was ready for a nap so the first pool trip was a relaxing, snuggle time with my baby girl.  After naps for both of us ladies (2 1/2 hours!!) we headed back down for a more exciting dip in the water, full of splashes and giggles and big smiles. 

Since everything was a ghost town, we decided to order in some pizza and just enjoy some good family time by the fireplace in the room.  It was lovely!  Zaylee went to bed around 7:30, and Paul and I snuggled up to watch some cable TV.  I wouldn't change anything about that day if I could.  It was perfect!

After some average continental breakfast food, we headed back to hang out with Cara, and eat some more fresh eggs, obviously.  She lives close to the lake and a beautiful park called, Cave Point (I think!), and we walked along the shore for a bit before Zaylee couldn't handle the cold any longer.  More like, we couldn't handle the cold any longer!  We attempted some family pictures, but Paul wasn't in the mood and Zaylee was too distracted by the water and beauty all around us.  Paul prefers to live in the moment and truly hates when I whip the camera out and almost always says, "Manda just be here NOW with us, we don't need any more pictures!"  I do agree, however, I wanted a few family shots from our first family trip.  He of course obliged me, and looked ever so handsome in all of the pictures!!

There was a lot more talking, eating, and laughing that night, and it was a great time with my great friend.  I loved this relaxing, no agenda trip, and thoroughly loved our time as a family out of our ordinary routine just being with each other.  It was wonderful in every way, even in a Zombie land of no good food places to eat out of season!!