Playlist

In the weeks before Zaylee was born, I put together a playlist for the laboring process, as well as, in the days to follow.  I listened to these songs play over and over.  A few of them play over in my head as I reminisce on those early days of sweet Zaylee's life, and the years leading up to this point in our lives.  
Paul used to always make fun of me and the way I could take any song and feel it so strongly as if I had written it myself.  I used to get lost in music.  It was my outlet when I was feeling depressed and sad, and I would escape into the lyrics of some brokenhearted song writer as if the wounds were my own.  As I slowly gave my life back over to the Lord, and found my wholeness in Him, my music choice shifted a bit.  I will always love music, and it will always be something that brings a sense of calm to me, but it is no longer my outlet.  Paul helped me see this, and would play me silly songs, with ridiculous sounds, and we would laugh and sing so loudly and off key.  I used to hate his choice in music, it drove me NUTS, but now, now I find joy in his appreciation for all types of music and watching him dance around, likely singing his own lyrics as he never can quite remember the ones intended for the song!  He makes my heart happy!

1.  Make a Mistake -- Brad Paisley
In the winter of 2008, in the midst of writing letters to one another, Paul sent me the a video in a Facebook message.  It was a music video of one of our favorites, Brad Paisley, singing a song I hadn't heard yet.  I already loved Paul for a few years at this point, but just wasn't "ready" (whatever that means!) to admit it yet, so when I heard this song I smiled for weeks.  He tried to convince me he just liked the song and wanted to share it, and not to read in to it! :)

"You over think things
You say what if we're not meant to be
Well you know what so what
Make a mistake with me

Nobody goes through this life and does
Everything perfectly
We're all gonna fail so you might as well
Make a mistake with me

Sometimes baby when we take
A chance that has this much at stake
We look back and in hindsight
What seemed wrong looks more like right"

2.  Beautiful Mess--Jason Mraz
In the fall of 2008, Paul surprised me with a date night in Chicago listening to one of my favorites, Jason Mraz at the Aragon Ballroom.  I was a "punk" (as he describes it) that night as we had become quite close and I began to pull away.  As we listened to the soft song, Beautiful Mess, play, and heard the lyrics fill the room, Paul slipped his hand in mine for the first time.  This song to him, was like all those ones I always said were "our" song.  It made him think of me, and now it was forever special as we were holding hands in the middle of a room full of strangers.  There we were, and now here we are!

"Although you were biased I love your advice Your comebacks they’re quick and probably Have to do with your insecurities There’s no shame in being crazy depending on how you take these Words they're paraphrasing this relationship we’re staging
And it’s a beautiful mess, yes, it is It’s like we're picking up trash in dresses
Well, it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say Kind of turn themselves into blades And the kind and courteous is a life I’ve heard But it’s nice to say that we played in the dirt 'Cause here, here we are, here we are"

3. Tell Everybody I Know-Keb Mo
In the summer of 2010, after we had officially started dating, he played, on what seemed to be repeat, Keb Mo's album.  It floods my mind with memories of those warms days we spent together, as we started the beginning stages of our life together.  They are wonderful memories indeed!!

lt`s no secret, l don`t care
Gonna shout it out everywhere
Well, l love my baby,
hot, cold, fast, or slow
l love my baby, gonna tell everybody l know
ln the evening in my bed l hear voices in my head
They say, Never, never, ever let her go
l love my baby,gonna tell everybody l know
l love my baby,gonna tell everybody l know
Other women don`t mean
a thing to me Well, you can pick them all up,
dump them all in the sea

`Cause if l got no money, she don`t care
She`ll open up her pocketbook
and pay my fare l know she loves me,
up, down, high, and low Love my baby

4.  He's Always Been Faithful-Sara Groves 
After more than 10 years of friendship, and a lot of ups and downs in our relationship, it was finally our time.  God had been faithful to us, as we prayed for his timing and direction.  His timing was perfect in every way it could have possibly been!   Before we said I do, we sang together with all our loved ones, "Great is Thy Faithfulness".  As I type this, I am still filled with chills thinking back on that special moment.  I will never forget that beautiful sound.  

"This is my anthem, this is my song
The theme of the stories I've heard for so long
God has been faithful, He will be again
His loving compassion, it knows no end
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He's always been faithful, He's always been faithful
He's always been faithful to me."

5.  You and Me-Dave Matthews Band 
As I rocked back and forth on a blue exercise ball, elbows digging deep into Paul's thighs, as I felt the deep pains of my sweet baby preparing to come into our world, a song played that will always remind me of that special moment.  Paul has never been a fan of  Dave Matthews, but this song is now special to him as well.  It seemed perfect in that moment, as I leaned so heavily on him, to get me through those moments of blurry, beautiful pain.  He makes me stronger, and is the best partner to share life with! 

 "Oh, and when the kids are old enough We're gonna teach them to fly
You and me together, we could do anything, Baby You and me together yes, yes
We can always look back at what we did All these memories of you and me baby But right now it's you and me forever girl And you know we could do better than anything that we did You know that you and me, we could do anything"

6.  I Get To Be-JJ Heller 
In my first weeks holding my sweet baby girl, as I would walk around the living room, rocking her to sleep, I would sing her songs in her ear.  You are my sunshine, Make me a servant, I will make you fishers of me, Oh how I love Jesus.  It seemed to calm her, and truthfully, it calmed me!  A song that I would play over and over, while singing along to the words, that had become my own for my little girl, was by JJ Heller.  The same woman we danced our first dance as a married couple to, just 11 months earlier.  I still sing it often, and will always be my song for my baby Zaylee.  

Don't feel alone now,
Little baby.
Do you hear me singing you a song
I can't wait to show you
Little baby
How to crawl
How to walk
And how to run

I get to be the one to hold your hand
I get to be the one.
Through birthdays and broken bones
I'll be there to watch you grow
I get to be the one.

How does someone so small
Hold my heart so tightly
I don't even know you
I love you completely

There are so many songs that I could add to this, but I just wanted to remember these few and the special memories they will forever hold in my mind and heart.  I will never get sick of singing and dancing around the living room with my little girl;  I just hope she feels the same! :) 

I Don't Want to Forget...

...The Last Few Weeks! 

Towards the end of December, your dad and I started loosely "remodeling" French Quarters.  I wanted everything to be perfect for your arrival, and for this to really feel like our home instead of dad's bachelor pad from years past.  It needed quite a bit of TLC, a whole lot of deep cleaning, a fresh coat of paint on every inch of the place, and a new bathroom, including a tub so that we could easily bathe you! :)  We had so much fun working together late into the cold winter nights, helping each other with all the small details we wanted to accomplish.  It was a special time for us, as we were making it our very own, and preparing it for YOU!  Dad is a hard worker, and loves learning how to do things using his beloved tools.  We spent almost every evening roaming the aisles of Home Depot, making acquaintances with the workers as they watched my belly expanding with your little life growing bigger and bigger!  At least twice a week, we would have dinner at Jersey Mike's as we would rest for a bit in the midst of our work.  We always felt special as we walked through the door.  The workers always asked how I was doing and shared in our excitement as the days went by bring us closer to meeting you!  I was treated to free cookies, and toy footballs for you baby girl!  They were convinced you were a boy, but we will teach you to throw a ball just the same.  Oh how I loved my growing belly, and seeing the smile on strangers faces as they passed by.  You brought us so much joy, and now bring us even more with every passing day!
In the few weeks before you made your arrival, Grandma D and Grandpa D came down to Wheaton quite often.  Grandpa would be painting, and Grandma would help me deep clean areas that had been neglected for far too long.  It was fun, and we were so thankful for the constant help!  Aunt Erin and Uncle Nicholas also joined us for a full day of painting and electrical work.  At moments I would have breakdowns that you would come and nothing would be finished.  Dad stayed calm and reassured me that it wouldn't matter, as long as you were safe and healthy.  In my 39th week of carrying you, we moved all of our belongings that we had acquired in our first year of marriage, from our small, cozy apartment to our new humble abode!  Uncle Tim and Aunt Bethany came to assist us, as well as, Grandpa and Grandma.  It went quickly, and I felt much more at peace that night as we laid in bed overjoyed with how it was all coming together.  We were even able to hang pictures and such on the walls of the main level so that I could feel more at home.  I was ready for you to come now, and anxiously waited for something to begin to show me you too were ready!
I went in for my 40 week check up, and had no progress.  You didn't seem to be ready after all.  That afternoon, Uncle Luc and his good friend Eli arrived from France.  They were coming to meet you!!  Uncle Marc and Mamie were supposed to be joining them, but to our great sadness, Uncle Marc had a fall that caused him to require a minor surgery.  The boys kept me occupied, and full of laughs and good times.  They were so cute and protective of you in those last days in my belly.  Any time I would muttered any sort of, "Ooh"  or "Aah" in reaction to you kicking and stretching, they would jump and say, "Is it a contraction?  Do we need to go to the hospital!?"  Unfortunately it was not necessary as you were comfy right where you were!   The contractions I did have were just the usual, tight, never ceasing Braxton Hicks with a slightly painful one here and there, but nothing that even resembled the beginning stages of labor.  My belly was constantly being rubbed by the two of them, as they would talk to you in sweet voices.  They were so excited, and it was so endearing to watch.

In great Tabailloux and McKendrick form, you were late.  In order to keep my mind off this fact, we kept busy.  We went shopping, on a day trip to Lake Geneva, to an Arena Football game, a birthday party for Chris Duggan, played frisbee golf, kicked a football around, and even went on a zip line multiple times.  I tried everything to entice your cute self to come out and meet us!

On the Sunday before we met you, we ate like kings at the Brazilian Steak House.  It was delicious, and I ate WAY TOO MUCH!  The following day, I went for another check up, and you my dear, had not moved!  Our doctors only allow for a 41 week pregnancy, so they were scheduling me for an induction.  The nurse came back in the room to inform me that I was to be induced the next day at 6:30pm.  WHAT?!  I panicked!  I called dad on my way home from the clinic and bawled.  He couldn't understand my tears, all he could do was rejoice because we were finally going to be able to meet you.  I too was overjoyed for the meeting you part, and was actually excited for the birthing process, but I was sad to not have you inside me anymore.  I loved feeling you, and knowing you were safe, and was scared to not have that control anymore.  I was terrified that I would have births like other girls I had heard of recently that had ended with a C-section.  The one thing I did not want more than anything.  Dad told me to go home and hang out with the boys.  Laugh with them, and try to relax a bit.  When I walked in they were cleaning up the delicious lunch Luc had made.  Eli, in our Franglish, hand motion way of communicating, asked if he could help me in anyway.  So he vacuumed the stairs and under the couch.  They were so sweet and helpful, and I was in a daze.  That night, Aunt Bethany and Uncle Timmy came over and joined us for dinner, and prayed over us before parting.  It was surreal, our last night alone as husband and wife, in our new home.  It was quiet, and filled with conversation about you.
The next morning Dad went to work as per usual, and I prepared.  I put every piece of laundry in it's place, cleaned every bit of the house, and made sure everything was just right so that when we returned home all would be good.  I repacked our bags and made sure I had everything, and that I wasn't over packing.  It was all set when dad came home that afternoon at around 3.  We took a few last pictures of my belly, and lounged around the house together in the quiet that surrounded us.

At around 4, I received a call from the hospital letting me know that my induction would be starting a bit later than expected and to wait for a call from them to inform us it was time.  With the extra time given to us, we went on our last date.  We headed to Houlihan's, as I was craving the spinach dip, and I ate way more than I was supposed to, but in the end was so thankful I did!  It was a warm evening, and we sat outside taking in this special moment we were sharing, when the phone rang.  They were ready for us.  It was time!  I flagged down the waitress and politely asked for the check.  I couldn't hold in my excitement so I shared with her that we were about to have our baby and were needing to hurry to the hospital.  She got an excited, puzzled look and exclaimed, "Oh my! Did your water just break!!?"  I of course laughed and said, "Um, no I would be a bit more anxious if that were the case, we are being induced tonight!"  On that note, she handed us the check, we payed, and headed to the car holding hands and full of emotions!

She Is So Much Fun!

As the days go on, and we watch our little lady learning more and more things, we can't help but smile and laugh at her spunky personality that continues to blossom!  She is quite the daddy's girl and lights up when he walks in the door returning home from work.  Paul snatches her up, gives her lots of kisses, and as she is talking to him he holds her in the air and says, "How is it possible that you are mine!?  I love you so much!"  What joy it brings my heart watching him love her so completely.  I'm so thankful to be sharing this role of parent to our sweet girl with such a selfless, loving, patient man!  The Lord has richly blessed me, and I am forever grateful.

In the last few days Zaylee has been filling her days with roaming the living room floor.  She scoots all around, pushing her self backwards as she slides across the wooden planks.  When she wants something in front of her just out of reach, she concentrates so hard on the great attempt of launching forward, but she just can't quite figure out that maneuver yet.  It's so fun to watch her think so intently and kick her little legs in hopes to some how get to the object she is so vigorously trying to reach.  She usually grunts and moans and sometimes lets out cries of frustration.  I won't lie, I love her fake, frustrated cry and the faces she makes along with them! 

It's fun to watch her moving around, but I would be just fine with her holding off on the whole crawling bit for a little while longer!  I like the ability to set her down and know she can't get into anything if I look away for a minute, and that she still lets me hold her and is content with just being in my arms without wanting to get down and run away from me!
I suppose it is time to start baby proofing the house, because she will be on the move sooner rather than later!

I Don't Want to Forget...

...Pregnancy:  The Good Stuff!
Two days before we got to see you for the first time, I spent the morning in the Emergency Room.  I spent 21 hours hunched over that dreaded white porcelain, and I mean 21 solid hours.  By the time I would make it back to the bed and find a spot that I could rest in, I would be up running again.  I didn't even attempt sips of water or ginger ale, because I knew it would just make me more miserable than I already was.  I was 8 weeks pregnant, and still dealing with the extra worry that came along with housing a baby.  The ultrasound couldn't come fast enough!  I knew being nauseous was a good thing as everyone kept reminding me that sick equaled healthy baby, but I still wanted to have proof that my awful 21 hour episode didn't harm you in any way!
Dad was able to take off work and accompany me to our very first doctors appointment, and our very first peek at you!  It was the afternoon on July 28th, and you were just 8 weeks old.  We got an overload of information about the hospital, what to expect with our appointments each month, things I should and shouldn't do to ensure your health.  Neither of us could fully concentrate, because, let's be honest, all we wanted to hear that day was, "There's your baby!"  A little while later after all the talking, we were walked down to a room on the left side of the hallway.  I laid on the cold exam table as the paper crinkled beneath me and your dad stood by my side holding my hand.  The doctor we were seeing that day wasn't the friendliest of the bunch, but that didn't stop us from enjoying this moment.  After a few minutes of probing and prodding, there you were on the screen.  You were a tiny little ball of joy, and your heart was fluttering with each healthy beat.  Overjoyed.
About 4 weeks later, on August 29th, we heard that flutter come to life as we listened to the sweet sound of your beating heart!  We had just returned from Uncle Timmy and Aunt Bethany's wedding in Florida, and Aunt Jenny came with us.  As I looked over at your dad with the sound of your heart filling the room,  I saw his eyes welling with tears of love and joy for you sweet girl!  150 beats per minute.  It was a wonderful moment, and a moment I looked forward to every month.  I loved my doctors appointments and cherished each time I was able to hear the life inside me. 
In early October, we flew down to Honduras to visit Grandma D and Grandpa D.  In the middle of our trip we traveled to El Pariso with Antonio, Ana, and Cristofer.  While there, we were sitting in the home that would soon be their's, Cristofer was asleep on my lap his body warm against my belly, and in that moment you kicked me for the first time!  It startled me and I yelled to dad and Grandma D and exclaimed, "I just felt the baby!"  Each day I would feel you more and more, and Dad would grow jealous at times because he wanted to feel you as well.  On November 8th, I was laying on the couch with dad sitting next to me on the floor, and you started to dance around.  I hurriedly grabbed Dad's hand and pushed it against my moving stomach, and for the first time he felt you kick the palm of his hand!  Feeling you kick and squirm inside me was the highlight of my day, everyday!
On October 21st, we were able to see just how squirmy you were.  We had the sweetest ultrasound tech who took her time and allowed us to have extra time just watching you move and swim around.  Dad couldn't get over how gracefully you would move your legs.  He said you were going to be a good swimmer someday, and I would have to agree!  You were looking right at us with your pretty little eyes, and never once stopped kicking your legs or tickling my bladder.  It was such a special moment and a blessing to hear the words, "Your baby looks strong and healthy!"  We were so in love, and couldn't wait to see you in our arms rather than on the screen!  I cherished the next 20 weeks, and truly loved feeling you and knowing you were safe and warm inside me.

I Don't Want to Forget...

...Pregnancy: The Hard Parts

From the very beginning, I had a constant, never ending, awful taste in my mouth.  I could hardly stand it, and at times I thought I was going crazy.  It tasted almost as if I was sucking on a dirty penny made of iron.  I tried everything to wash this taste away, but nothing seemed to do the trick.  I have always been a gum addict, but for those first few months I could barely get it in my mouth before I would quickly put it back into the wrapper it came from.  At times, I would attempt to brush my teeth (or rather scrub my tongue!) in hopes that that would wash it all away, but that would send me to my knees hugging that porcelain bowl again!  Everyone I consulted on this issue, claimed they never experienced this when they were pregnant.  Further proof that I was going crazy!!  After a hot, spicy meal some weeks later, it all started to make sense.  It was the curse of the pregnancy induced heartburn.  Oh how it burned!  There were days I wanted to starve myself in hopes that it wouldn't come rushing up my throat in a fiery blaze!  I caused much of my own discomfort, as I prefer spicy foods, meaty chili, pizza, and chocolate, but it seemed that no matter what I ate or drank, it all brought on the bubbling lava.  Every night, I would make myself a large cup of hot chocolate before going to bed.  Every night!  It seemed to soothe the burn in the slightest of ways, but really I think it just became of source of comfort and habit!  
Along with the heartburn came many, many sleepless nights.  I would toss and turn from side to side never finding the spot or position I was looking for.  Your dad spent most nights on the couch as I would keep him up, and when he did fall asleep I would wake him to ask him to stop snoring or just because I needed him to comfort me.  He was so kind about all the disruptions, and never got upset with me.  Bless his heart!  He would constantly remind me that we are in this together, when I was feeling bad about bothering him or interrupting his sleep.  He is the most patient, kind man I know.  For my entire pregnancy, I cannot remember even one night of full, peaceful sleep.  I guess it was preparing me for motherhood, but at the time all I desired was a good, solid, well rested nights sleep!
I called Grandma D and Aunt Erin quite often wondering about little things I was feeling or experiencing.  I had experienced pregnancy through my sisters, living with them through the entirety, but this was different.  It was my body changing.  My responsibility.  Frankly, it scared me and put a worry in me that I had never experienced.  They would often laugh at me, or tell me I was crazy, but it didn't stop me from calling a few days later with another silly question.  I wanted to know everything that I was feeling was normal, expected.
Towards the end of your time in my belly, you had a habit of punching my bladder so hard I thought your little hand was going to break through!  I had never felt a stronger sensation to run to the bathroom than in those moments.  When we saw you on the screen, moving around in the shadows, the ultrasound tech asked me if I had to pee often.  I of course said, "YES! but doesn't every pregnant woman!?"  She then pointed at your little hand, which at that very moment was tickling and poking at my bladder.  You sure have a sense of humor :)  Along with using my bladder as a punching bag, in the last month of carrying  you, my right leg would give out as I would feel an intense jab at a nerve in my pelvic region.  I began to wobble.  It wasn't pretty, but it was inevitable, as you had begun to push down so hard on my pelvis that I began to feel a burning pain.  You wanted out, and I too wanted to meet you so I accepted your gestures of readiness.  As much discomfort as I was in, and as much as I might have complained, I truly loved feeling you and knowing you were safe inside me.  It was the greatest honor and blessing of my life carrying you in my womb!

A Few Five Month Pictures

 Zaylee is still our little peanut, but she sure is growing up fast!  I may be biased, but I am convinced she gets cuter with every passing day :)

She loves her jumper, and has become pretty good at it!  She especially loves when music is on, and she can find the beat!!

Each month I try to take a picture of her on her "birthday"

I can't get enough of those eyes!

Her first time wearing jeans!  Paul thought she looked too cute, and I'd agree, although her tiny waist didn't hold them up very well.  They were a size 0-3 month!

First time in her big girl high chair! And first time in shoes :)

Morning snuggles with Sawyer

Morning giggles with Grandpa D!

A Visit from the Theoharis Clan!

Yesterday Erin and the kids came down to Wheaton for a little mid-week visit!  They arrived around 11, and after quick hellos we packed everyone into the Sienna and headed over to Cosley Zoo.

The two big kids were determined to climb up the sign!

It's a sweet little zoo, well maintained, friendly staff, and the perfect number of animals to keep you occupied for a short afternoon out of the house.  A perk I discovered yesterday was the fact that Wheaton residence get in free!  It was, of course, the one time I didn't have my photo idea on me, as I had left it in Paul's wallet.  Thankfully, even for non-residence, it is only three dollars for adults, and kids up to the age of 17 are free!  The kids seemed to enjoy looking at the animals, petting the donkey, watching a chicken being trained, and ended with a Dora and Spiderman popsicle at the Coyote Cafe!  Zaylee and Remington were lounging in the stroller, and were both extremely tired, but I'm sure they liked it too! :)

After the zoo, we headed over to the "Rocket Ship" park on Lambert.  I had heard it had a splash pad, and it was the perfect day for a little water time fun!  Well, it was a fun park, but the splash pad was a bit of a let down.  The kids had fun and that's really all that matters, right?  We did hear about another park not to far down Roosevelt that is a much bigger splash park--next time! 
At this point in the day, Zaylee had had enough fun, and was more than ready for her nap, but she stuck it out.  She even went down her first slide with the help of Kendrick, and enjoyed a little time in the swing!  The sprinkles were cold, and she didn't quite care for them, but the others had a blast, even little Remmers!

Remington had fun playing the older cousin while we tried to snap some cute pictures of Zaylee and him!  She doesn't mind kisses and snuggles normally, but this little guy grabbing on her wasn't her favorite.  Can't wait to watch the two of them and Cohen running around together when they are older!

They made amends a few minutes later! :)

It was a great day.  We love our time with the Theoharis family! :)

I Don't Want to Forget...

...Pregnancy: The Beginning

The first few days following our ER visit, I was afraid to move.  The doctor had said we were only a few days pregnant, and ordered us to follow up with an OB doctor to further confirm that you were truly in my womb.  I was still in a bit of pain, and my mind was transfixed on YOU alone.  Dad would come home from work, make me lunch, open the blinds, and we would talk about how excited we were to meet you!!  We were immediately so attached to you, that when I went to the doctor's office for my follow-up appointment I was heartbroken when she told me, "don't get your hope's up too high as this may have been a chemical false positive."  It was far too late for that, we were in love and wanted you so badly!  I held back tears as she explained all the medical jargon to me, and as I went down to have my blood drawn again, I prayed fervently for your life.  For two days, I waited.  I knew in my heart you were there, I could feel it, and I wanted it so badly to be true.  I was on the phone with Sarah Jean and had confided in her that we were possibly pregnant, but waiting for the confirmation from the doctor.  I heard a beep on the phone indicating another call.  I asked Sarah to wait a minute, clicked over to the other line, and heard a woman's voice.  It was a nurse from Dr. Freeman's office with the results.  "Your HCG levels have gone up quite nicely, so you are in fact pregnant!"  My heart started racing while my stomach filled with overly excited butterflies.  I was elated.  I clicked over to share the news with Sarah.  She then told me she too was pregnant!  How fun to be pregnant with my best friend!!
As I was hanging up the phone, your dad opened the apartment door and I tearfully rejoiced in his arms.  We were going to become parents.  We were going to be YOUR mom and dad.  That afternoon I went to the grocery store and stocked up on V8 juice, orange juice, fruits and other things that I deemed healthy.  I stopped over at the Vitamin Shoppe and picked up some prenatal vitamins.  For the next two weeks, life was wonderful.  You were my only thoughts.  Dad was so in love with you from the very moment we heard you were a life inside me.
July 18th was a hot, humid day.  It was the day your cousin Cohen was born, and I had told Uncle Craig that I would head up there in the morning to help look after Micah and Avery.  When I woke up I felt extremely nauseous, but thought maybe it was just hunger.  A few minutes later, I was holding tightly to the porcelain bowl and remained there for quite some time.  From that day on, you rejected much of what I desired to fill my stomach with.  I could no longer eat my beloved cheese, or drink my morning pot of coffee.  Things I normally was quite fond of, became unbearable, and things I used to never care for became all I wanted.  The smell of most foods sent me running to the nearest receptacle.  Grocery stores, our apartment hallway, chicken, toast, and most things cooked inside our small kitchen pulled the trigger.  Dad was so gracious and kind, and would take me anywhere my craving at the moment desired.  More often than not, I would take one bite of said craving and fight my body to swallow it down, but lost more times than I won.  Tears would start flowing out of utter frustration.  I wanted to be able to eat.  I wanted the ability to enjoy food again, and the process of making meals for your dad.  I lived off toasted bagels, orange juice, gatorade, and frozen pizza.  This lasted until October 2nd.  I woke up feeling different, hungry and in want of food.  We were heading home from Lake Geneva, and I saw the sign from Crandall's Chicken.  I had to have it!  We pulled in, sat at a corner table, and I devoured broiled chicken, mashed potatoes, and corn.  It was the first meal I had truly enjoyed, let alone finished, since that hot July morning.  I was overjoyed!!

I Don't Want to Forget....

...Finding Out

On June 12, 2011, your dad and I visited Wheaton Bible Church with Mariah and Kory.  While there, we heard a man, Chris Yuan, and his mother speak on their journey's to God, and all the hardships that brought them there.  As I was listening to the mother's story and her devotion and love for her son, something inside me screamed out, "I am ready!!"  Dad and I knew we didn't want to wait too long before starting a family, but we had thought a year seemed like a good amount of time.  However, after listening to this beautiful story of love between this mother and son, we both felt a tug and decided that night while sitting on our patio at 1051 Briarbrook Drive Apartment 206, that we were more than ready.
For years I had had fears, dreams even, that I wasn't going to be able to have children.  It is something I prayed over many times, and had begun praying that if that were true for my life, the Lord would start preparing my heart for the trials I may face.  Dad also had thoughts like this.  Another reason we thought, "Why wait!?"
Two weeks later at around 12:30 a.m. on June 27th, I started having extreme lower right abdominal pain.  I'm a bit stubborn, and not a huge fan of being a patient, but rather prefer being the nurse, so I attempted to "walk it off".  I kept telling dad it was probably just gas, or an air bubble of some sort.  He, of course, didn't buy it as I could barely stand let along walk, and began googling right side pain.  Appendicitis was his declarative diagnosis.  I was delusional with pain at this point and believed him, so into the car we went! 
We arrived at Central Dupage Hospital around 1:30.   After explaining my pain, peeing in a cup, and having my vital signs taken, a young, dark haired doctor came in to talk things over with us.   He asked, "Is there any chance you are pregnant?"  Dad and I looked at one another, thinking back to our conversation two weeks earlier, and replied, "I guess there is a chance, but it would be too early to show up without a blood test."  A few minutes later my blood was drawn, and I was wheeled off to a dark room by a middle aged man with graying hair.  He was ordered to perform an abdominal ultrasound to confirm there suspicion of a possible ruptured ovarian cysts.  I laid there scared and anxious to hear what he saw through the shadows of my abdomen, while dad stroked my hair with one hand and held tight to one of mine with the other.  He was praying in my ear, reassuring me that the Lord was in control.  The man was less than professional, and kept making concerned hmms and ahhs, as we sat there in the dark wondering what they all meant.  I kept squeezing dad's hand trying to fight back tears.  As he was gliding across my belly with the gray wand, spreading the cold, clear gel from side to side, he asked with an inquisitively shocked tone, "So you haven't been vomiting at all?  or blacked out?!"  My mind began to race, and my heart seemed to want to pound right out of my chest!  With a shaky voice I replied, "No, why? What is it?"  He of course answered just as I knew he would--he wasn't allowed to tell us any details as he wasn't the doctor.  At this point, I lost the battle and tears began running down my cheeks falling to the pillow, as I laid there helpless and uncertain of what all this meant as your dad kept repeating, "I love you!  It's going to be ok."
When we arrived back in the emergency room, the doctor came in to confirm that indeed it was an ovarian cyst that had ruptured and was hemorrhaging into my abdominal cavity.  The extreme pain was caused by the blood pooling with no where to go.  We still were waiting to hear the results of the blood test at this point, and our minds kept wandering to the most dreadful of fates--we weren't going to be able to have children after all.  A few minutes later, the doctor peaked his head in and said, "Oh and you ARE pregnant.  That's a good thing right!?"  We cried and said, "Of course, we are just in a bit of shock!!"  We laid in the tiny little bed holding tightly to one another, and let this news soak in.  I had a life inside of me.  We couldn't comprehend this reality with all that we had just endured in such a short amount of time.  It felt so surreal.  We were blissfully happy, and drained of all energy and emotions. 

First Food Experience

Unsuccessful, but fun!

On Wednesday night, we attempted to introduce Miss Zaylee to some food!  We mixed some cereal up with milk, added a tiny bit of squash (per Dad's request!) and gave it a go.  She looked excited at the thought of it being her food instead of watching enviously as we ate ours, but the result was less than pleasurable.  A whole lot of spoon dodging was going on, as well as, some fun facial expressions to show her disgust for this new and unusual feeling of food opposed to the smooth, easy flow of the milk she has solely known for these short 5 months of life.  Paul enjoyed this moment greatly, and even ate the leftover's to show his support! :)
Little by little we are attempting more introductions to food, and hopefully someday soon she will grow to enjoy the act of eating!

5 Months old = Solid Food Begins

Oh my!  How is Zaylee ready for this!?   For the past two weeks, she has been showing great signs of wanting food.  As we eat our dinner, she sits in her Bumbo reaching, leaning, chewing her tongue, and altogether coveting the food we are so freely shoveling into our mouths.  We decided today on her 5 month birthday we would give it a go!  I got out the little glass bowl given to me by Mamie Jeannie--the bowl that Paul first ate out of when he was a baby boy--so we are ready!!

Things I'm excited about:

• Watching her reaction each time we introduce a new food
• Playing airplane with the spoon 
• Eating at the table as a family of three 
• Seeing Paul so happy because he can finally feed his baby girl!! 

Things I'm not excited about:

• Stinky diapers
• Possibility of more spit-up, as we don't deal with too much of it normally
• Her liking food more than my milk (hopefully not the case!) 
• The mess that comes with feeding babies.  Not a fan! 

Today will be a fun day!  Happy 5 months Sweet Girl!!
Stay tuned for the reaction....

A Few Favorites from the Weekend

Morning Chats on the Couch

It's so tempting to just scoop her up and cuddle her!!  She adores that Bunny.

Takes after her cousin Sawyer.  Those EYES!

Play date with Quintin--Zaylee is 4 days older and 4 pounds lighter!

Ready, Set, Go

Sitting up!

Another milestone has come, Zaylee is sitting up on her own!!  She seems to enjoy this new victory, but still needs a bit of time to perfect the sitting position without a tired, head dive into the hard floor!  Today she has been sitting for long periods without any assistance, even catching her fall with her arm regaining balance all on her own.  I know I have said it, and will probably say it many more times (so get used to it!), it brings so much joy to watch her get excited with new things and learn and explore. 

She was so proud of herself, but refused to look at the camera!

It takes some serious concentration!

Love that gummy smile

I'm a big fan of this little lady! 

The Little Lady in Action

This past week has been a fun one as our sweet girl started using her voice abundantly!!  She is still known to be silent for hours on end just looking around and soaking up the world around her, but lately she has filled those silent voids with her sweet, little voice.  It's fun to listen to her play with different tones, going from a high shriek to a low growl often surprising herself with this knew revelation of having a voice!   

 

In the past few weeks, Zaylee and I have moved into a wonderful daily routine that we have grown quite fond of!  The new consistency of routine has truly helped in her napping and waking in a happy, too cute for words kind of mood!  I often hear her talking in there for quite a while before she makes it known that she wants out.  This is a little snippet of her as I went in to greet her after waking.  Oh how I love those eyes!! 

 

As we were watching the closing ceremony of the Olympics (which brought with it sadness as we have truly enjoyed our nights watching all the action!), we were showing Zaylee how to sit up on her own.  I have been practicing this with her, but she is more interested in standing then she is sitting so it was a bit unsuccessful!  Last night, however, she gave it a true effort.  She was doing so great and seemed to be pretty proud of herself, as she kept getting better after each little tumble.  We managed to get a bit of it on film before she had had enough.  She is growing up so fast, but it's so fun watching her figure out new things and accomplish little milestones. 

Hopes and Prayers for Zay

1. That you may come to know our Heavenly Father at a young age, and will live your life for Him.  Always remember that faith in and love for Jesus Christ is all you need in this life.  Let Him be the ruler of your heart, leading you through this dark world.  Find your beauty and worth in Him alone.
2. Always know that you can come to us with all your doubts, questions, concerns, and fears.  Even when we disagree with you or lack the answers you are looking for, we are always here to support you, care for you, and guide you with the help of the Lord.  We are in this together.  Our love for you is limitless.  
3. Take the knowledge you learn and treasure it.  Fill your mind with things that challenge you, and help shape you.  Education is to be taken seriously for it bodes a strong foundation of the person you are to become. 
4. I pray that you have the blessing of loving another with your WHOLE heart someday.  Don't rush matters of the heart.  Take your time and be wise.  Cherish your youth and get to know yourself well.  Pray for your future husband (we have started for you already!).  And when you are ready, loving another completely and faithfully will be one of the greatest gifts of your life. 
5. Likewise, I hope you have the honor of being loved by another with their WHOLE heart.  Make sure the one you fall in love with knows what you are worth and is willing to give the same to you.  Love is a choice.  Don't change the things that make you YOU to gain the love of another.  YOU are worth the effort. 
6. At some point you will experience heartbreaks.  May they be minimal.  They can feel paralyzing and consuming, but they also make up part of your story and help mold you into the person you become.  Be vulnerable at times, but always be wise.  
7. Don't waste time on anyone that is not good to you.  Pray for them.  Over the course of your life you will have many different friendships.  Some will be good, and some will leave you wounded.  Learn from all your relationships, allowing the lessons to help build a circle of friends who will be loyal and encouraging.  Friends that will stand with you in the highest and lowest moments of your life. 
8. Be passionate about things.  Invest in your talents, be what they may.  You are capable of great things when you put your mind to it!  
9. Embrace differences.  This world if FULL of them!  Travel.  Explore cultures.  Always have an open mind, but stand firm in the Truth. 
10. Learn to love yourself fully.  Be confident, but humble.  Always be thankful for the blessings that are given to you.  May God always be your comfort and strength.  

Sweet Zaylee Jean,  from the moment I heard those two, tear inducing words, "You're Pregnant", I fell in love with you.  For nine months your dad and I wondered what you would look like, what color your eyes would be, would you have hair or not, and what color would it be.  Then we heard your first cry -- what an amazing, joyous sound that was.  From that moment on our wonders about you have grown to great heights.  Who will you become?  What will you achieve?  You are small now, but the days are moving fast and I want to be intentional and purposeful with every moment I have with you.  Only the Lord knows what the future has in store for you, and I feel honored to be your mom and encouragement along the way.  I am certain that the very best thing I will ever do in my life has already begun. In whatever you accomplish, you will be my greatest legacy.

The Lake

Growing up in Lake Geneva, you would think that I would be a bit more of a fan of the oh-so-beautiful Lake, but alas I again prefer the pool!  Don't get me wrong, I LOVED growing up with the beauty that surrounded me, the boat rides across the lake for Cheese Fries at the Bait Shop in Fontana, fireworks over the water, walking the lake path, but as far as being IN the water I was never a huge fan.  I was never a great swimmer, and was a bit fearful of seaweed and the dead fish that were all to often floating there way towards me!  When I was little, I loved going down to the water with my girlfriends.  We would splash each other, fight over who would get to be Ariel while we played "Little Mermaid", and challenge one another in handstand contests.  The list of memories goes on and on, but somewhere around 8th grade, my silly, self-conscious self got in the way of my fun-loving self.  I then began worrying more about how I looked in my swimsuit, how white my legs were, the fact that I could barely get my yellow ribbon because of my lack in the swimming skills department.  I hated not being good at things, and instead of trying harder or just having fun, I avoided the lake as often as possible. 
Paul spent his summer's down by the water every day.  He was one of the "hardworking" lifeguard's at camp.  As mentioned in a previous post, he LOVES the water, especially Geneva Lake!  Every summer, he would plead with me to come visit him at the lake.  I would always give him false hope, and only on a few sporadic occasions did I actually indulge in an afternoon on the pier.  We spent time on the boat together, sometimes involving a competitive tubing adventure.  (Competitive only on my part, as per usual!)  He would spend his days in his swimsuit, acquiring a handsome, browned tan making his blue eyes all the more vivid, and I would spend mine roaming around camp, more than likely hunkered down on the canteen porch.  I always looked forward to free time coming to an end, because that meant the lakefront would close, and Paul would be coming up the hill in his red swim trunks, towel draped over his shoulder.  He always looked happy to see me, which I of course loved and very much felt the same way.

Lake Geneva will always be my "home".  It holds most of my memories, of not only my childhood, but of how Paul and I came to be husband and wife.  This past weekend we went up to celebrate my mom's 60th birthday and my parents 40th anniversary.  We threw her a surprise party on Sunday with some of her closest friends and family.  It was a great time celebrating such a wonderful woman and the best mom a girl could ask for; and the added bonus was celebrating the 40 years of wedded bliss, and the Godly example they have been to so many.  We had to, of course, come up with a reason for our weekend visit, and what better excuse then the Lake!  Zaylee had only dipped her feet in the water in early June when it was still quite frigid, and she was not a fan of the chill it sent through her little body!!  With the hot weather this summer has brought along with it, the water felt like a warm bath.  It was lovely, and Zaylee enjoyed it very much!  

Here's to many more summers at the lake with our little Zaylee Bug, and to raising her up to be fun-loving and confident in herself!! 

Grandparents

Growing up I always envied people my age that had grandparents.  I have always been drawn to elderly people, and am constantly gushing at them when I see them in public.  More often than not, I look at Paul and say, "Aww I just LOVE old people!", and he replies with a smile, "I know you do love, and I love that about you!"  This is most likely due to the fact that I never was privileged to have the chance to get to know any of my grandparents.  My Grandma Jean is the only one in which I have memories of, but her memory went quickly by the time I was old enough to truly get to know her.  I did happen to be her favorite (wink), and have fond memories of her bringing homemade banana bread and a bag of candy for me when she was still able to visit.  When I was around 16, we went up to Michigan to visit her, in the nursing home in which she lived, and I remember commenting on how beautiful her ring was.  At this point her mind was gone, but she slipped it off her finger, struggling a bit getting it over her swollen, aged knuckles, and allowed me to try it on.  It was a perfect fit!  I joked that it was a sign that when the time came, I would inherit her rings.  She chuckled and said that would only be right!  To my surprise, ten years later, I have the honor of wearing her diamond surrounded by Paul's Great-Grandmothers.  What a blessing to have such history in an age-old tradition, symbolizing the coming together of two families.   

I sit here now thinking of the great joy it brings to my heart to have two sets of God honoring parents, that have raised us both to love and serve the Lord.  We are beyond blessed to have parents that love the Lord, love one another, and love their children with the utmost devotion.  It is so wonderful to me that not only does Zaylee get grandparents, she gets all FOUR of them!!  Added bonus, she gets a wonderful Great Grandma Suzanne, and had the honor of being held in the arms by her Great Grandpa Zay!  I pray over our sweet girl every day, and I often thank the Lord for her four loving grandparents and the legacy they are leaving here on this earth.  I pray for many years to come with each of them, full of memories, laughter, singing songs, and lots of love. 

 

I often find myself overjoy when I look at Paul, and imagine life with him when we are old and gray.  We used to write letter's about it in our "in between" phase back in 2008.  He once said to me, "When I see my future, I see you being my personal pain in the butt that I can't live without.  I can imagine you old and holding your hand."  So much truth in that first part, and so much JOY comes from the latter.  As we are about to celebrate my parents 40th anniversary this coming weekend, and after celebrating Paul's parents 30th last month, I can't help but look forward to the many years that lie before us.  I am so excited to see where the Lord leads us as a couple, and now as a family.  I pray we can be wonderful, Christ-like examples in all we do for our sweet Zaylee, as our parents have so selflessly done for us.