Fun on Tuesday Afternoon

Sometimes we both get a bit bored at home, and we do silly things to make us both laugh!  I squeezed her little body something fierce after this little moment, because seriously she is too cute :)  Look at that face!

Aunts and Uncles

Eight Uncles.
Six Aunts.
10 cousins. (one on the way).
Four Grandparents.
One Great-grandma.
You are blessed my darling daughter with a BIG family, and so many people that love you dearly.

Aunt Jenny, your dad's baby sister, just moved to Chicago to attend Moody Bible Institute.  It has been such a joy having her close by, and watching her give you more kisses than any little baby girl has ever received.  Literally.  Countless, never-ceasing kisses galore!

She loves you, and you love her.  She has spent most weekends with us, whether it be here at home, or in Lake Geneva.  She tells us that she feels at home with us, and that means so much to your Dad and I.  We want her to know how much we love her, and that we are always here for her.  I know she misses Mamie and Papi so very much, and I am just thankful that we are close by and can give her a little TLC when she needs a little taste of "home".  The added bonus is of course YOU.  She can't seem to get enough of  you, and we love how much she adores you.

This weekend you finally started eating for us!!  Aunt Jenny was there encouraging you right along with us, and you actually seemed to enjoy the food being spooned into your cute, wide open mouth.  Sweet potato and corn was the food of choice that day.  You loved it!  Dad does better with feeding you, probably due to the fact that he allows you to get as messy as your little heart desires.  I on the other hand, still want to clean your face after each bite.  I'm working on this, and trying to embrace the "fun" in this new experience, mess included.

 It was a great weekend spent lounging around the house, watching movies, baking, and eating home cooked meals.  Thanks Aunt Jenny for loving sweet Zaylee so very well!! 

 Each of your aunts and uncles are special to us!  Even though some of them are an ocean apart, they ache for you sweet girl, and love you all the more.  We eagerly wait the next time we can all be together again, but until then we will continue to tell you stories of each of them and fill your mind with pictures and conversations through Skype. 

I've Always Loved the Elderly

Last night, we went to pick up our very first Market Day order.  It was so fun walking into the school and seeing everyone getting all the boxes put together, and checking to make sure all the orders were complete.  It reminded me of when I was a little girl, and I would run around the carpet-covered gym floor at Faith Christian on Thursday afternoons, while Grandma helped the Market Day process take place.  I loved Market Day, and am happy to have it in our home now.  Home.  Our home.  Family of three.  It still feels so surreal to me, and I feel so blessed every day as I work in our little home.

Moving on.....

After we picked up our order, I drove over to Dominick's to pick up a few things we needed for the week.  As we were waiting at the deli for our turkey, a sweet older man was admiring you as he walked passed.  I smiled, and went back to ordering some more meats and cheese from the kind lady behind the counter.  We made our way down the aisle's of the store, and the man found his way back to us in the midst of the canned tomatoes.  He asked how old you were, and what your name was.  You were looking beautiful as ever, with your big, flirtatious eyes batting slowly at him with your sweet, gummy smile.  He looked at you and said, "I may buy a lot of things today, but I couldn't pay enough for your smile!"  As he walked away, tears fell down my cheeks as I leaned down and kissed your sweet face.  A mother's love is something that words can not express.

It's beautiful.

My cup runneth over. 

A Lesson for Mom

This morning, you and I made our way down the road to Blanchard Alliance Church for the kick off of their Women's INC Bible Study.  I went a little bit early in hopes to put you down for your morning nap before I went downstairs with all the other ladies.  They have a really nice, clean nursery, so clean in fact, that they have a "shoes off" policy so that little one's can crawl around on a clean floor.  I've never seen that, and I appreciated it very much, as you my dear like to scout out the smallest piece of lint or dirt on the floor and scoot your way towards it hoping for a tasty treat.  The women that serve in the nursery were extremely welcoming and kind.  They thought you were the cutest little "butterball".  It's always funny to me the things we adults say to describe the cuteness you little ones exude.

The kind ladies brought out a clean set of sheets, and prepared one of the three cribs for you.  I shut the door, turned down the lights, and sang a few songs to you.  You weren't having it.  Why would you want to sleep when there were so many new faces, and things to look at and play with?  After all, you are quite the social butterfly.  This is what almost made me back out of this Bible study;  the thought of you not getting your longest, most desired morning nap.  Dad, as always, told me that it would all work out.  I need to let go in some areas, and this would be good for me on many levels, as well as for you, to be in a social setting with new people.

I have to be honest, it was hard to hand you over to a stranger, to trust someone else to care for you.  I realize this may sound crazy.  I realize I may be a bit over protective.  I realize I need to trust a bit more than I do at times.  When I pictured myself as a mother, I never pictured myself this way.  Controlling, scared of letting go, so attached to you that it hurts to walk away from you to go to Bible study.  I knew I would love you like crazy, but this, this is new to me.  Crazy, anxious thoughts fill my head when I think of leaving you.  Dad and I have gone on a few dates, but only if Grandma and Grandpa were around, and after I had put you to bed.  I desire to go on a date and have some time alone with your Father, but then I fill with this anxiety that I am a stranger to.  At the thought of not being the one rocking you before bedtime, or missing out on something new you might do while we are away.  I love being with you, and I love you needing me.

While downstairs listening to the woman speaking, I was reminded of something both Dad and Grandpa D have said to me.  I need to put you fully in the Lord's hands.  He has entrusted you to me and your Father, but you are HIS.  He is in control of your life, and protects you and keeps you in His grasp, loving you fully and unconditionally.  I need to trust Him more.  I need to know that He is watching over you always, and even when I am not near you, He will keep you safe.  I need to let go, and give you to Him.  Zaylee I want the best for you, and I pray you give your heart to Him and live your life fully for Him.

I love you, sweet girl, and will always be a work in progress in my role as your Mother.  Have patience with me, and know all I do for you is out of love. 

P.S. The study was great.  The time spent with the women that surrounded me was such a wonderful time of sharing and getting to know one another.  And you my dear, you didn't sleep, but you were smiling and overjoyed to see me!  That made my heart happy.  We will be going back, and it will only get better each time, I'm sure of that.  You did, however, cry out of over exhaustion when we got home and refused to sleep.  That wasn't so fun, but like I said it will get better. 

A Mother Cries a LOT!

When you were still being wonderfully made inside my womb, many women told me that the tears and emotions that come with pregnancy never stop.  They begin with the news of, "You're pregnant," and although the tears are for all sorts of different reasons, whether joy, frustration, heartache, or pure exhaustion, they come and go easily when you are a mother and without end.

Yesterday I had many tears.  It was your six month check-up and I was excited to see your growth.  I knew you were petite, and we love squeezing your cute little self, but I didn't know it was because I wasn't giving you enough food.  This broke my heart to pieces.  I know you are happy, and always content, and show no signs of starving hunger or dissatisfaction, but according to the doctor you aren't thriving.  She said over and over, "I'm very concerned about her weight."  It took everything in me to not breakdown in front of her.  I wanted to stay strong.  I wanted to listen to her and take her advice without showing my weaknesses.  Dad was there with us (he's amazing like that), and like always gave me the strength I was lacking.  I truly pray that someday, when you are all grown up, you will meet a man as wonderful as your Father, because he is what a good man looks like.

As the nurse laid you on the scale, I was certain I would hear her say, "Fourteen pounds....", but instead she said, "Twelve pounds 13 ounces."  That is an ounce less than you were at 4 months.  You lost weight!  You eat five times a day, and you have for quite some time now.  You love your naps, and your 12 hours of sleep at night, and honestly I love it too.  We have worked hard together to get down a routine, and a schedule that suits our lives day in and day out.  The doctor says we have to go to extremes to make you gain weight.  She wants me to wake you from your naps to enforce an every two hour eating schedule.  WAKE YOU UP!  What about the work I put in to make a happy baby with a predictable schedule?  What about her sleep, she loves her sleep!?  "Wake her up! She NEEDS to eat.  She isn't thriving!"  Heartbroken.  Again.

I explained the trouble we have had with feeding you, and  your refusal of anything put towards your mouth with a spoon.  She kept repeating, "You have to force her.  She doesn't get the choice.  She has to eat!"  We were instructed to attempt food before I offer you my milk, in hopes that you would be hungry enough to want the food.  Dr. Browne also said to forget the veggies first thought, because right now you just need calories so go for the fruits to entice your palette with sweetness.  We stood there taking in all the advice and tips given to put a little meat on your bones, and watched you sitting so sweetly on the exam table in your diaper.  You were so adorable it broke my heart again, but this time in the best kind of way.  My heart swelled.  The crinkle of the paper beneath you seemed to excite you as you pressed your hands against it, trying with great vigor to grab hold of it.  Dad couldn't get enough of the cuteness that was oozing out of you at that moment.

After we got you settled in your car seat, Dad held me tightly in the parking lot reassuring me.  "You are such a great Mom.  I tell everyone that it is because of YOU that our baby girl is so good."  He has so much faith in me and my abilities, even when I have none.  I called Grandma D on the way home, and remained strong with no tears.  She encouraged me, just as Dad had done, and I felt a bit stronger at that moment.  It wasn't until we got home and I held you in my arms that I began to fall apart.  I rocked you, and placed you in your bed and the tears fell.  When you woke, I placed you in your high chair and prepared a small bowl of food for you.  You refused again and again.  More tears.  Dad called on his way home, and just the sound of his voice brought on more tears.  When he tried giving you food, you opened your mouth every time.  He was so patient, and you actually ate 1/3 of a jar of apples.  A bit more tears.

Mothering is a hard job.  A wonderful, amazing, incredible, exciting, joyful blessing of a job, but a hard job nonetheless.  It brings out things in me that I'm still learning to work through.  I see parts of myself that I don't really like, and I pray for strength and guidance a LOT.  One thing I am certain of, is the love I have for  you, and the joy I have in my job as your mom.  You are happy, content, satisfied, and such a bright ray of sunshine to all those that meet you.  I know this.  I know that I am a good Mom.  I know this is what I was made to do.  And I know that sometimes I will have bad days of feeling inadequate, but I am so thankful that I have a Heavenly Father to give me strength and a husband that is a constant source of love and encouragement.  We are going to fatten you up little lady, even if it takes many more tears.  Last night I woke you before I went to bed to feed you again, as instructed to do by Dr. Browne.  It was such a peaceful moment, that yet again, brought on tears as I watched you eating in the dark of the night.  I could have stayed there all night.

We love you so Sweet Zaylee Jean, and want the best for you.  We want you to thrive in all you do.  We will never give up on you, and will be your greatest support and encouragement throughout your life.  Now hurry up and put on some weight! :)

Highchair talks and Puffs

Zaylee may not like food, but she has decided she will eat the Sweet Potato Puffs!  I feel like I treat her like a dog at times throughout the day, as I place a puff on the ground and watch as she "army crawls" her way towards it.  It is so fun to watch her little hands work as she intently thinks about how she is going to pick it up and from there get it to her mouth.  She loves have things in her hand, and waves them around with grace and style as if she is a beauty queen waving to a crowd of people as she is doing here in her throne! 

This Weekend

Zoo for a Diabetes Walk with Walgreens

This weekend you turned six months old.
This weekend we went to the Brookfield Zoo in Milwaukee.
This weekend we celebrated your cousin Avery's 3rd birthday Ballerina style.
This weekend you had your first animal cracker, and seemed to like it.
This weekend you still refused to eat.
This weekend you had a total of three naps as opposed to your three a day nap schedule. (and today you are miserable!)
This weekend, like every weekend, we loved our time with Daddy!  (he is the best!!)
This weekend you pulled yourself all over the floor and at times even got up on all fours.
This weekend we Skyped with Mamie and Papi and you showed off your army crawl to the family.
This weekend we visited Auntie Jenny at Moody, and she loved on you lots and lots.
This weekend we went out to dinner with Aunt Bethany and Uncle Timmy and they to loved on you.
This weekend was filled with beautiful weather and nonstop sunshine.
This weekend was a wonderful weekend, and now it's over.
Today we will get back to a routine, and will enjoy our days together until next weekend.

Zaylee with a sleeping Lion

Loving the Zoo

Half a Year Already!

Zaylee Jean,

You are six months old.  Half a year.  Where did the time go?  It seems like just yesterday your Dad and I were watching you move around under the skin of my belly, waiting for you to come into our world, but at the same time, I can't picture my life before you.  Honestly, I don't want to!  You have blessed my life so immensely, and in so many ways.

Six month pictures, in a six month outfit that is clearly too big :)

The other day I was looking through the pictures from the day you were born, and it hit me like a tidal wave how much you have changed already.  My little baby, isn't so little anymore.  You are growing fast, and changing so quickly.  I wish I could stop time every once in a while.  Hold you as you sleep a little longer.  Lock away your sweet, baby smell so I may never forget the warmth it brings to my senses.  As much as I wish I could stop time, I truly enjoy every minute I have with you.  Watching your face light up when Dad walks through the door.  Our morning walks, and your inquisitive little face as  you take in the world around you.  The way your little hand reaches up and strokes my face as I sing to you.  Your smile that lights up a room.  The way you talk and play with the different sounds that come our of your cute mouth.  Your big, almond shaped, blue eyes, outlined with big, long lashes.  Every little thing about you brings so much joy to your Father and I.

From the day you came into the world, we referred to you as Sweet Zaylee.  It seemed to be what most people called you, as they congratulated us and welcomed you into the world.  It is so fitting.  Dad often says, "You are such a sweet girl, will you stay sweet forever please?"  There is something about you that is just plain sweet.  There is no other word for it.  You give smiles so freely, and your eyes can brighten even the worst day.  When I hold you on my hip, your little hand squeezes my arm tight and you nuzzle your face into my shoulder.  It melts me.  I pray your heart remains sweet, and you use it to touch the lives around you.  I pray you use it to show others the love of Christ.

Zaylee in the last six month, you have changed so much.  You've always enjoyed tummy time, and have become so strong because of it.  You roll around the floor with ease.  Sitting up is something that comes easily to you now, although sometimes you still tumble as you reach for a toy just a bit to far from you.  This past week you have mastered the army crawl, and have become quite quick at getting to where you want to go as you pull yourself across the floor.  You refuse to eat just about everything, but you love sitting in your highchair and talking with us as we eat our dinner.  I must just have really good milk, because it seems to be all you want.  Between me and you, I love that fact because feeding you those five feedings a day are my most favorite moments.  Your little hands can pick up everything now.  We love watching your face as you intently stare at the object you are pinching between your small fingers, and gleefully swirl it in the air once you've gotten hold of it.  We wonder if you will be left handed, as that seems to be the hand you choose most often.  It is so fun watching you grow and learn each day.  We have so many pictures of you and short videos of all the little things you do.  We don't want to forget anything.

Our days are pretty predictable, but you seem to like your routine.  You wake around 7:30 every morning, and you greet me with the brightest smile.  As soon as I pick you up you are hunting for food with wildly impatient force.  It cracks me up every time.  You nurse the longest first thing in the morning, a total of about 12 minutes.  We head down stairs to get my coffee started, and we lie on the floor and I try to entertain you enough to make you stay up for at least an hour.  You love your morning nap and it is hard to keep you happy much past 8:45 before you are begging to be laid back down.  Before every nap I hold you tight against my chest while you hold the ear of your pink bunny, and I sing You Are My Sunshine softly in your ear.  I kiss your forehead and place you in your bed on your left side and watch you rub that soft, floppy ear holding it over your face and you hum a sweet moan drifting off to restful sleep.  You sleep anywhere from an hour and a half to two hours, and on occasion a bit longer.  As of right now, you are still taking three naps a day:  8:45, 12:00, and 3:00, and bedtime is between 7 and 7:30.

Every morning after your first nap, we take a 30-40 minute walk around Briar Patch Park.  It seems to be the highlight for both of us on our days at home.  I use the time to pray, and find great peace in this time with you.  I pray for you, for Dad and I and my hopes for raising you up to love the Lord.  I pray for patience for myself, as sometimes I lack in that area, and for you I want to be better.  I want to show you gentleness and grace.  I'm so thankful for your Dad for so many reasons, but his patience is one of them.  You are so blessed to have such a patient, kind, loving man as your Father.  He is so strong for me when I lose my bearings.  Speaking of your Dad, he works so hard for us.  It is the biggest blessing that he is able to come home each day and spend time with us on his lunch break.  We love seeing him, and I know it makes his time at work a bit less stressful with a little dose of you to fill his day. 

Bath time is something you truly enjoy.  We only do it every other night, but you sure do love the water.  Lately we have let you sit up in the tub, which seems to be a big hit while you splash the water with great excitement.  It's something Dad and I like to do together, and I love that he helps and enjoys these moments with you.  I usually hand your little naked, wet body over to Dad and he wraps you up in your yellow or white towel.  We dress you, and talk with you.  I love these family moments, and hope they never change, although I'm sure they will someday!  Dad prays over you every night before bed.  It is a prayer he remembers hearing many times as a child from his Papi Marcel.  Each time I hear him say it, my heart gets that warm, heavy with joy feeling.  "Seingnier garde la du mal et du malin.  Soit avec elle jour et matin," he says with his hand resting on your head.  He kisses you and whispers, "Je t'aime ma cherie."  Oh he loves you so, sweet Zaylee!  I too pray over you before I put you in your bed, in the darkness of your room, with the sound of the waterfall cutting the silence.  "Thank you for this great day.  Thank you for the blessing of this sweet girl.  Protect her and keep her as she sleeps."

We will never stop praying for you Zaylee.  We want the very best for you, and for you to know that no matter what we will always be here for you.  We are far from perfect, and will make many mistakes, but we hope that we will teach you forgiveness and grace.  I can't wait to see the woman you grow to be, but for now, I want time to slow down.  You are such a happy baby, and rarely ever fuss or cry.  People always remark on your happy demeanor, and dad and I feel so proud to be your parents.  We thank the Lord for your contentment with life, and truly feel blessed through your joyful spirit.

We love you so, Sweet Zaylee.  Never grow up! 

I Don't Want To Forget....

...The Birth

We held hands as we drove across town making our way to Central Dupage Hospital.  We didn't speak much, as we were both full of emotion we couldn't quite put words to.  Silence seemed best in those moments leading up to the big event waiting for us upon our arrival.  We checked in at the front desk, made our way to the elevator, arms full of our belongings, and watched the 3 light up as the doors closed and we were carried off to our final destination.  We were greeted by the nurses, signed a few papers, and lead down the hall to a room on the right.  It wasn't a "park view", but we did have a view of the lobby which made me feel a bit less isolated as I watched love ones come and go through the elevator doors.

It was a big, cold room with all the necessary equipment to bring a baby into the world safe and sound.  The monitor that would keep track of your heart rate, along with mine, sat to my right side.  I loved the sound of your tiny, beating heart!  The nurse went through all the routine questions and gave us far too much information as she attached the monitor to my belly.  You were active as usual and I watched you move inside me and cherished every bit of  the closeness I felt with you.  You were safe there, and I was confident of that.  As impatient as I was to meet you face to face, I loved the bond we had and being able to feel you move and stretch.  Dad pulled the reclining chair up flush with the bed, leaned back, and reached for my hand.  He was such a great support and made me feel so loved and cared for!
The nurse inserted the medication around 9pm, after I got settled in the bed for the night.  The bed was anything but comfortable, and it was hard to find a position comfortable enough to rest in.  I made it clear from the beginning that I wanted a natural birth with no medication of any kind, and definitely no c-section.  I knew my body was made to birth you, and I wanted to feel every bit of the pain, and enjoy the beautiful process of you entering the world!
That night I was able to rest for a few hours, on and off, but had a hard time sleeping as I was revved up on the excitement of meeting you.  The cramping and small, constant contractions didn't help the resting much either.  Overall it was an easy night, and I was ready for the morning to come so that we could get the contractions to come more regularly and with more strength to entice you to come out sooner!

When morning came, all I wanted to do was WALK!  I knew it was good to walk as much as possible through labor, and I was up for the task.  Pitocin was started at right around 9, and almost immediately contractions started coming on with a bit more intensity.  When they checked me, I was only at 2 centimeters and 75% effaced.  This reality was a bit discouraging to me, but the contractions weren't overly strong yet, so I had hope!   Grandma and Grandpa had joined Dad and I the night before, and after a good nights rest at our home in Wheaton, they came back to keep us company and encourage me through this exciting time.  Dad and Grandma were my walking buddies, and helped me push along my IV pole, which had a mind of its own as its wheels would turn every which way making it hard to keep it in a straight path.  We walked up and down the halls, lap after lap, with small breaks in between.  Laying down was not an option for me, as the contraction shot right through my lower back making it unbearably painful if I assumed the supine position in any sort of fashion.
Sometime in the afternoon, the contractions started to become all the more strong causing me to have to stop and hang onto the wall as I breathed through the tightening in my belly.  I went between sitting in the chair, and roaming the halls for what seemed like forever.  At about 5 o'clock, while Dad and I were exiting the room to venture into the hall, the doctor approached us with a few options.  He said we could either take a break from the Pit so that I could get a bit of rest, or he could break my water and get things really moving!  Obviously I wanted to meet you sooner than later, so I opted for the latter.
Before he proceeded with the procedure, he checked me for progress.  NOTHING!  I was so discouraged.  My contractions had been strong and close together for some time now, and I was truly convinced something had been happening.  I wanted to get this birthing process on the move, and I was ready to feel you in my arms and look at your sweet face.  Immediately after my water was broken, the contractions became much more intense.  I now moved on to the exercise ball where I would stay for the next few hours as I breathed through the pain that came every two minutes and lasted a bit longer each time.  Grandma and Grandpa went out for a while to get some dinner, allowing Dad and I a little time to ourselves as the pain continued to increase.  Daddy was so wonderful, and I wouldn't have wanted to endure the pain I was experiencing with anyone else but him by my side.  He was so encouraging, patient, loving, and overall the greatest support a girl could ever want. 
When my parents came back, we turned on American Idol to keep my mind on something other than the pain.  Towards the end of the show around 8 or so, the pain escalated.  Dad quickly turned the TV off, put on my music mix, and sat behind me rocking with me as I swayed back and forth on the blue ball.  It was the only thing that felt good as the pain was pushing down and burning with great heat!  I had to go to the bathroom quite often as the pressure kept forcing itself on me with great strength.  By 9:30 I was convinced I had definitely progressed, and felt I was getting really close to pushing time.  The pressure and pain seemed so intense that I just knew things HAD to be moving along quite quickly by now.  As a contraction was in full force, I ran to the bathroom with dad holding me up, and before I knew it I was vomiting into a pink, kidney bean shaped dish.  I felt so tired at this point as it had been a full 24 hours since this all began with little rest to be had.
From the beginning I had made it clear that I wanted NO drugs, and they had respected that without ever asking me otherwise.  But around 10, Grandma and Dad encouraged me otherwise.  I insisted to be checked to solidify my feelings of progression, but instead I was defeated and felt totally ripped off when the nurse said what I had already heard three times:  2 centimeters!!  NO PROGRESS!  Oh how I felt cheated.  I fought the idea of an epidural, until Grandma said it might help my body to relax and move things along.  She insisted I need rest, which I did so badly, and reminded me that if indeed I wanted to push I would need strength.  Without rest I would be useless.  I gave in!
Around 11pm, we were greeted by a very nice, young anesthesiologist.  He went over all the logistics, explained the procedure, and was so encouraging and made it all go so smoothly.  I didn't feel a thing, and dad was again, wonderful!  A few minutes after he finished, and had me lie down slightly leaning to my left side I broke down.  The pain increased, but in a whole new way.  It was as if I had a never ceasing cramp that took over my entire abdomen and was pulling tighter and tighter without letting up.  I cried out in pain, and things began to blur as the pain continued to escalate.  He assured us that with in 15 minutes I would feel relief.  I did not.  Dad called the nurse, and a few minutes later the man reappeared with more intense drugs to put into the epidural site to bring the relief he promised me the first time around.  This time, he didn't fail me.  I don't remember much of the next two hours.
My body felt as if it were concrete.  I couldn't feel anything, as the nurses flopped my body from side to side as they tried to reposition me.  At this point in time, I started going in and out of an awake state not really understanding what was going on.  I remember them putting an oxygen mask on my face and feeling short of breath, but after that all was black.  Dad, Grandma D, and Grandpa D started to get concerned as they heard your heart rate slow on the machine, and saw my body turn white as the sheets underneath my cold, lifeless self.  My blood pressure had bottomed out, and your heart rate plummeted causing great concern.  The nurse on duty was very attentive and informative to Dad, and Grandma D and Grandpa D were great support to him, as well.  They were giving me medications to bring my blood pressure back up and put some adrenalin back into my system.   As your heart rate began to drop, they were forced to stop the pitocin because with each contraction it would drop lower and lower.  I'm not exactly sure how long this frightful scene went on, but I know it gave the family quite a scare.
When I woke up at around 2 am, I looked to my left where Dad sat holding my hand, and I wept.  I cried out of frustration, and the reality that my utmost desire to birth you naturally was being taken away from me.  I looked at dad and said, "I'm going to have to have a C-section aren't I?"  He calmly said in response, "Maybe not babe, we will see what the doctor says.  You are looking so much better maybe things are moving along now."  I felt so defeated.  The doctor came in shortly after I awoke, and decided he would check me to see if the rest helped something change.  FINALLY something had happened.  I was 100% effaced, and nearly 5 centimeters.  He seemed pleased and even went so far as to say, "I'm confident you will be pushing your baby out before I leave at 7!"  When he came into the room, he was convinced he would be wheeling me down the hall to take you out via C-section, but because of my bit of progress, he decided we could wait a little while longer.  As the nurse was checking things out, she noticed I had a bit of meconium.  She commented on it, with slight concern, but said we would keep an eye on it and see what the doctors thoughts were.  At around 3 am, we tried to get some rest.  Grandpa snored on the couch, while Dad and Grandma D tried with great effort to get comfortable in the recliners and relax enough to doze off for a bit.  I couldn't get much rest, but was able to at least shut my eyes and get some light rest.  At around 6am, I began to feel quite a bit of pressure causing me to feel the need to push.  It was getting stronger and I expressed the sensation of needing to have a bowel movement to the nurse.  She said that was a good sign, and had great hopes that she would be assisting in the delivery of our baby very soon!  A little before 7, the nurse offered to check me to see if in fact you were ready to come out, and to our great disappointment my body just wasn't prepared to push you out.  The doctor started to have some big concerns, including the large amount of meconium, my cervix had become quite swollen, and the fact that if I moved off of my left side your heart rate would drop.  He insisted the best thing for both of us would be to perform a C-section right away.  I wept again.  I looked over towards Dad and Grandma for an answer, and both were nodding their heads in approval.  They were so encouraging and loving through it all, and at that moment I felt peace in this decision.  Grandpa D took a couple pictures of us as they prepared to take me into the OR suite, and prayed over us as we waited.

Dad was incredible through every step of this long, thirty-six hour journey, and was just so excited and filled with joy that we were finally going to be able to meet you!   He was given a pair of navy blue scrubs, a hat, and a mask to prepare for the OR room.  The nurses gave me a blue hat to put on over my hair as they wheeled me down the hall, past the nurses station, and into the OR wing.  As the OR doors opened a wall of cold air smacked against us, and I was brought into a bright room with over-sized machines.  The cramping sensation in my stomach had returned as the epidural was wearing off, and my nerves were in high gear.  The anesthesiologist in the OR was so wonderful and kind.  He was an Indian man, with rings on almost all of his fingers, and a soft, friendly way about him.  With great instruction, he walked me through the process, explained the drugs and what the doctors were going to be doing.  It truly helped me feel more at ease.  Nausea was something I had dealt with the night before, and he informed me that it may happen during the surgery as well, and if that were the case to let him know immediately so that he could give me something to ease my stomach.  The surgical techs hung a blue drape up just under my chin, secured my arms to the bed, placed oxygen in my nose and a blood pressure cuff on my left arm, and called the doctor in from the scrub room.  It was time!
As the doctor came in, he plugged in his iPod and picked out some old timing music, and began prepping my large belly with cold, yellow betadine.  They test the area to make sure I couldn't feel anything, which I couldn't, and called Dad in to sit by my side.  I was so glad to have him there holding my hand, talking in my ear in between kisses on my forehead.  As I felt the tugging and pulling of the doctors at work, Dad looked at me and said, "So you still thinking it's a boy?"  I said with great confidence, "Yep!  Still thinking boy!"
The doctor assisting said, not so quietly to the other doctor, "Where's the head!?"   Dad and I looked at each other puzzled, but moments later we heard, "IT'S A GIRL!  You have a baby girl!"  Immediately we both began to cry with great tears of joy as Dad exclaimed, "No way, it's a girl!  A girl!"  We were overjoyed and so in love with our daughter.  A few moments later we heard the doctor yell out, "Cord wrapped once."  We hadn't heard you cry yet, and I started repeating over and over, "Cry, Cry, Please Cry!!?"  And then we heard you for the first time, and the tears fell harder.  For a very quick second the Doctor peaked around the blue drape holding you up and said, "Meet your baby girl!"  Oh how I wanted to kiss you, I hated not being able to have you in my arms right away.  After we saw you, we said to each other, "Zaylee Jean.  We have a daughter!"  After a few minutes, the pediatrician came over and reported that you were "perfect".  You were healthy, and beautiful!

There are no words that I can say to describe the amazing feeling that came a few minutes later when the nurse walked you over to me, and laid you across my chest.  I kissed your sweet cheek and was filled with so much joy I felt as if my heart would pop out of my chest!  Dad was able to hold you, and the look on his face is one I never want to have leave my mind.  He loves you more than you will ever know sweet girl!!

Zaylee that Thursday morning at 8:08 our lives changed immensely.  It was a day we will never forget, and will forever hold dear to our hearts.  We became parents.  We experienced a new kind of love we could never have imagined even if we had tried.  We will do our best, to be the best for you.  You make us want to be better.  You are the best gift, and we feel blessed and honored to have YOU as our first daughter. 

Weekend at Home

We have had a busy summer, filled with many weekend "events" causing us to be away from home a lot.  Don't get me wrong, we have LOVED every one of those fun-filled weekends away, but it was so wonderful to be home, with little to no plans.  I look forward to lazy Saturday mornings with my family of three.  Paul makes breakfast, crepes and eggs, while I drink my coffee.  We lounge on the couch together while Zaylee takes her morning nap, and put off all the things we wanted to get done, because it's so much more enjoyable to just be together with nothing to do.  It's wonderful.  Zaylee and I love when daddy is home, as we are both very fond of him :)  It makes me so happy to see how much she loves her dad, and even more how much he adores her!  Warms this mother's heart.
This weekend was beautiful and the weather was perfect.  Big, blue skies, a cool breeze, and warm sun are what we were able to experience in our two full days together!  We took walks, enjoyed the park, played basketball, and at night Paul and I watched movies with wine and chocolate.  Like I said, it was wonderful!  Bonus: Grandma D and Grandpa D came for an overnight and spent Sunday with us all!

Joining us for breakfast...although she still refuses to eat!

Hating it!

Disgust :)

 Zaylee is still not a fan of food.  We have tried french fries, mashed potatoes, ice cream, whipped cream, apple sauce, and other good things with the hopes that something, ANYTHING would make this girl like the idea of food.  Nothing has worked.  I fear she may just be extra picky like her mother, but hope soon she will start to enjoy food.  She does, however, love sitting in her high chair and enjoys our meal times just hanging out.

As you can see, she loves the swing!

 It is so fun to go to the park now, and actually push Zaylee on the swing and watch her enjoy the air hitting her face as she glides through the air.  She has so much fun!  Her favorite way to get around these days is on Daddy's shoulders.  It is adorable and she gets so excited and rarely ever grows tired of being part of the "high life". 

Along with riding on Daddy's shoulders, scooting has becoming pretty popular.  She is able to get around even better than last week and is starting to master the pulling herself forward move!  It's amazing to Paul and I how smart babies are, and the way their minds can figure out ways to get to things at such a young age!  I'm sure she will be crawling, very soon, but like I said before, I am ok with a scooter for a little while longer :)

I love our weekends with no plans, and love our time with Daddy!!

Dear Zaylee

September 7, 2012

Last night, Uncle Timmy, Aunt Bethany, and Auntie Jenny came over for dinner.  Dad got a new grill a couple weeks ago, and it gets him excited to invite people over and grill up some delicious meals.  Last night we had burgers, corn on the cob, sweet potato fries, and a lovely salad prepared by Aunt Bethany.  She makes a good salad, which is nice because it's kind of the thing mom forgets about when planning a dinner.  We sat around the table talking and laughing, while you sat right there with us in your high chair at the head of the table.  You were talking and yelling at us while you threw your toys to the ground.  If the attention wasn't on you, we would here your discontentment and we would look your way to see a sweet, crinkle face smile.  You bring us so much joy sweet girl! 

After dinner we all sat around on the couch talking about different things, but mostly about Aunt Bethany's baby growing inside her belly.  I get so excited when I see her belly growing ever so slightly each time we see them.  It reminds me of the joy that filled my heart as I watched you growing more and more each day as you God was preparing you to come into this world as our baby girl!  How did we get so blessed?

Your little cousin started moving around a bit, and I gently pushed on Aunt B's belly just above her belly button and felt a small, gentle kick.  It was beautiful, and filled me with emotions I had to tuck away until everyone went home.  After everyone left, I went up to your room, scooped you up, and snuggled you close to my chest.  We sat together in your dark room, with the sound of the waterfall filling the silence, and I watched you sleeping soundly in my arms.  My heart was so full.  When I laid you back down in your pretty, wooden crib with polka dot sheets, I felt so content.  This was what I was made to do.  I was made to love you and show you love everyday as your Mom.

I went downstairs to find Dad, and I shared with him the emotions that flooded my mind when I felt that soft kick from your cousin.  It brought me back to the moment we found out we were going to be parents.  It brought me back to the first time we heard the sweet, rhythmic beat of your heart.  It brought me back to that hot day in Honduras when I felt you kick and move inside me for the first time.  It brought so many memories back of those 9 months you grew into the beautiful, little girl we get to call our very own!  I didn't know you then, but I loved you so fully.  Every time  you moved inside me was like the first time, I lived with my hands on my belly.  I would rub you and you would move beneath my hand.  I wondered what you would look like, sound like, feel like in my arms, and now, NOW I have the privilege of knowing you!  It's far greater than I could have ever wondered.

I love you, my darling Zaylee Jean, and feel so honored to be your Mother.  I will try to show you just how much I love you, and I know at times I will fail, but I hope you grow to know the depth of my love.

Love you so,
Mom

Funny Little Moments!

As overwhelming as a room full of little ones running around, all talking at the same time, fighting for each others attention can be, there are so many sweet moments.  Most of those sweet moments are intertwined with outrageously comical ones that you just don't want to forget.  Monday afternoon was one of those hilarious moments.
I was nursing Zaylee before we walked over to camp when Miss Little Avery came over to ask me a few important questions.

"Why is she eating your boobies?"  It's always funny to hear how kids ask this question, but this one was pretty high on the ranks for laughter bursting forth.  She hopped up on the couch next to me as I tried to explain in a toddler appropriate manner.  As we were talking she jumped down, ran across the room, grabbed her baby and made her way back to us.  She took her stop next to us again, and began taking the straps of her romper down off her shoulders.  We looked at her inquisitively while she announced, "I need to feed my baby too!!"  She scooted a bit closer to Zaylee and I so that she could share our blanket for a bit of needed privacy. 

She is full of energy, attitude, and brings so many laughs!!  Her personality is so fun.  She has an imaginary daughter named "Honey" that she talks to regularly, and when she is told not to do something, she uses Honey as her excuse.  "Mom Honey keeps saying Poop!"  When clearly she just wanted to say it with hopes of not being scolded!

Zaylee tried out Grandma D and Grandpa D's jumper for the first time this weekend.  It was amusing to say the least, as she didn't quite jump, but rather spun around in circles.  She seemed to enjoy it, and we enjoyed watching her!  

Zaylee's older cousins love making her laugh, and she seems to think Micah is hilarious!  Every time he talks to her, she just giggles and giggles.  He thinks it's great!  After making her laugh, he looked up at me and said, "She is the cutest thing I ever did see!"  It's so sweet how much he loves her.  He told Janine, "Mom, she gets cuter and cuter every time we see her!"  I'd have to say, I agree!

Zaylee joined the big girls on a little ride in Kendrick's jeep.  She wanted to do the driving, and was sad when I took her off!  I have a feeling she will have no problem fitting in with the older ones in no time.  

Labor Day Weekend Fun: Part II

The Boat 

Growing up at camp, summers were BUSY to say the least.  Family time was hard to come by, but something that I cherished in my childhood was our time spent on the boat on those days Dad could sneak away from the office.  Like I have said before, I am not big on being IN the water, but love being ON the water.  Boat rides are so relaxing to me.  The hum of the motor, the cool breeze that hugs tight as the hot sun beats down on you,  the beauty of the water surrounding you.  It's wonderful in so many ways, and holds so many memories in my mind.

The three babies ready to ride!

Zaylee ready for the boat!

Driving with daddy...at least pretending to!

It's been a few years since we have been able to enjoy it, with almost the whole family (we missed Shell's fam!),  but on Labor Day we took full advantage of the beautiful, hot sunny day and embraced the water's of Lake Geneva!!   My heart was so happy to see my parent's enjoying this special day surrounded by most of their kids and grandkids.  Dad jumped on the tube like a teenage boy enjoying a hot, summer's day, reliving many memories of his youth.  It was so fun to watch!  We took most of the little ones on the tube, and I won't lie it terrified me more than I enjoyed it!!  Being on a tube with an almost three year old is nerve wracking, and puts a lot of pressure on an enjoyable event, but the Lord watched over us, and all had a great time.  Dear Paul nearly had a heart attack, bless his heart!  He is programmed to worry, and did so yesterday enough for all of us!  Love that man :)  I'm pretty certain he will not be allowing sweet Zaylee Jean to be riding any tubes until much later in life.  Ha.
After the kids had their fun, Dad, Erin, Craig and I had our own fun.


We laughed so hard as we were tossed around on the giant tube, weaving in and out of the wake, taking a few hard waves with blunt force.  It was so much FUN!

The little lady had had enough fun, sleeping peacefully in the rocking waves

Paul and Uncle Craig with Kendrick, Micah and Avery

Avery joined the napping front of the boat

We were joined by the wonderful Aunt Jenny!

Three babies and their mommas

We love Aunt Jenny and the time we get to spend with her!!

Lake Geneva has so many bits of my heart, and I hope the memories just keep coming as our family of three grows! 

Labor Day Weekend Fun

The Fair

For over 70 years, Walworth County has had an annual fair over Labor Day weekend.  It is a BIG deal in our sweet, little town, and draws in a very large crowd.  The kids in the area work all year on their prized animals to have them ready for the big, five day weekend extravaganza.  They camp out on the grounds all weekend with their fellow 4-h friends, lounge around the barns, show off their animals, and in the end hope to leave with Grand champion, but most of all they just have fun!  I always envied those kids, and wished deep down that I would someday be a farm girl, leading my cow around the circle as the judges added up their tallies.  That dream never came true, but I still LOVE going to the fair and being surrounded by that awful smell that lingers in the hot, moist air.  It's is almost enough to take your breath away, and not in the pleasant way.

Grandma D and Avery in the pig pen!

Grandpa and Cohen checking out the sheep

Zaylee wasn't so sure about the pigs, but Taylor tried to show her that everything was fine!

We even had a special fair attendee, Renanah! We love her :)

The fair is always a good time.  I started going in Jr. High.  The glory days.  My girlfriends and I would get all dressed up to walk around and around and around scouting out all the boys from town that were likely doing the same thing.  Sure we would go on rides, play games, but let's be honest we were there for the social aspect and hopeful prospects of  boys that might want to walk around with us!  Oh the sweet memories :)

The three youngest hanging out!

Times have changed, years have gone by, and now I get to enjoy it with my main man and little lady, and enjoy it in a whole new way!  We now go for the people watching, which far exceeds anything you might be picturing (trust me!), and the food.  They have almost anything deep fried and/or on a stick.  Chocolate covered bacon, fried oreos, fried twinkies, deep fried cheese on a stick, frozen chocolate covered banana on a stick.  You name, they most likely have it!  It is all way over priced, and bound to give someone a heart attack, but you just HAVE to try at least one thing new every year!  This year we tried the chocolate covered bacon, and were sadly disappointed.  It sounded so promising.  Who doesn't love chocolate and bacon?  Roasted sweet corn is a must, and will never let you down!
It has become a family tradition, and only seems to get more chaotic as the years go by and the kids keep multiplying.  Most times chaos equals fun, but sometimes it is just chaos :)

Avery was excited to ride some rides this year, if you can't tell she is hilarious and full of spunk!

We have a picture like this from every fair outing.  Love that girl!

First fair family picture!  Zay was such a trooper all day.

Chaos! 

Night time snuggles with Grandpa!

 I hope we have many more years, with many more fun filled family memories at the Walworth County Fair!