Dear Zaylee

September 7, 2012

Last night, Uncle Timmy, Aunt Bethany, and Auntie Jenny came over for dinner.  Dad got a new grill a couple weeks ago, and it gets him excited to invite people over and grill up some delicious meals.  Last night we had burgers, corn on the cob, sweet potato fries, and a lovely salad prepared by Aunt Bethany.  She makes a good salad, which is nice because it's kind of the thing mom forgets about when planning a dinner.  We sat around the table talking and laughing, while you sat right there with us in your high chair at the head of the table.  You were talking and yelling at us while you threw your toys to the ground.  If the attention wasn't on you, we would here your discontentment and we would look your way to see a sweet, crinkle face smile.  You bring us so much joy sweet girl! 

After dinner we all sat around on the couch talking about different things, but mostly about Aunt Bethany's baby growing inside her belly.  I get so excited when I see her belly growing ever so slightly each time we see them.  It reminds me of the joy that filled my heart as I watched you growing more and more each day as you God was preparing you to come into this world as our baby girl!  How did we get so blessed?

Your little cousin started moving around a bit, and I gently pushed on Aunt B's belly just above her belly button and felt a small, gentle kick.  It was beautiful, and filled me with emotions I had to tuck away until everyone went home.  After everyone left, I went up to your room, scooped you up, and snuggled you close to my chest.  We sat together in your dark room, with the sound of the waterfall filling the silence, and I watched you sleeping soundly in my arms.  My heart was so full.  When I laid you back down in your pretty, wooden crib with polka dot sheets, I felt so content.  This was what I was made to do.  I was made to love you and show you love everyday as your Mom.

I went downstairs to find Dad, and I shared with him the emotions that flooded my mind when I felt that soft kick from your cousin.  It brought me back to the moment we found out we were going to be parents.  It brought me back to the first time we heard the sweet, rhythmic beat of your heart.  It brought me back to that hot day in Honduras when I felt you kick and move inside me for the first time.  It brought so many memories back of those 9 months you grew into the beautiful, little girl we get to call our very own!  I didn't know you then, but I loved you so fully.  Every time  you moved inside me was like the first time, I lived with my hands on my belly.  I would rub you and you would move beneath my hand.  I wondered what you would look like, sound like, feel like in my arms, and now, NOW I have the privilege of knowing you!  It's far greater than I could have ever wondered.

I love you, my darling Zaylee Jean, and feel so honored to be your Mother.  I will try to show you just how much I love you, and I know at times I will fail, but I hope you grow to know the depth of my love.

Love you so,
Mom

Funny Little Moments!

As overwhelming as a room full of little ones running around, all talking at the same time, fighting for each others attention can be, there are so many sweet moments.  Most of those sweet moments are intertwined with outrageously comical ones that you just don't want to forget.  Monday afternoon was one of those hilarious moments.
I was nursing Zaylee before we walked over to camp when Miss Little Avery came over to ask me a few important questions.

"Why is she eating your boobies?"  It's always funny to hear how kids ask this question, but this one was pretty high on the ranks for laughter bursting forth.  She hopped up on the couch next to me as I tried to explain in a toddler appropriate manner.  As we were talking she jumped down, ran across the room, grabbed her baby and made her way back to us.  She took her stop next to us again, and began taking the straps of her romper down off her shoulders.  We looked at her inquisitively while she announced, "I need to feed my baby too!!"  She scooted a bit closer to Zaylee and I so that she could share our blanket for a bit of needed privacy. 

She is full of energy, attitude, and brings so many laughs!!  Her personality is so fun.  She has an imaginary daughter named "Honey" that she talks to regularly, and when she is told not to do something, she uses Honey as her excuse.  "Mom Honey keeps saying Poop!"  When clearly she just wanted to say it with hopes of not being scolded!

Zaylee tried out Grandma D and Grandpa D's jumper for the first time this weekend.  It was amusing to say the least, as she didn't quite jump, but rather spun around in circles.  She seemed to enjoy it, and we enjoyed watching her!  

Zaylee's older cousins love making her laugh, and she seems to think Micah is hilarious!  Every time he talks to her, she just giggles and giggles.  He thinks it's great!  After making her laugh, he looked up at me and said, "She is the cutest thing I ever did see!"  It's so sweet how much he loves her.  He told Janine, "Mom, she gets cuter and cuter every time we see her!"  I'd have to say, I agree!

Zaylee joined the big girls on a little ride in Kendrick's jeep.  She wanted to do the driving, and was sad when I took her off!  I have a feeling she will have no problem fitting in with the older ones in no time.  

Labor Day Weekend Fun: Part II

The Boat 

Growing up at camp, summers were BUSY to say the least.  Family time was hard to come by, but something that I cherished in my childhood was our time spent on the boat on those days Dad could sneak away from the office.  Like I have said before, I am not big on being IN the water, but love being ON the water.  Boat rides are so relaxing to me.  The hum of the motor, the cool breeze that hugs tight as the hot sun beats down on you,  the beauty of the water surrounding you.  It's wonderful in so many ways, and holds so many memories in my mind.

The three babies ready to ride!

Zaylee ready for the boat!

Driving with daddy...at least pretending to!

It's been a few years since we have been able to enjoy it, with almost the whole family (we missed Shell's fam!),  but on Labor Day we took full advantage of the beautiful, hot sunny day and embraced the water's of Lake Geneva!!   My heart was so happy to see my parent's enjoying this special day surrounded by most of their kids and grandkids.  Dad jumped on the tube like a teenage boy enjoying a hot, summer's day, reliving many memories of his youth.  It was so fun to watch!  We took most of the little ones on the tube, and I won't lie it terrified me more than I enjoyed it!!  Being on a tube with an almost three year old is nerve wracking, and puts a lot of pressure on an enjoyable event, but the Lord watched over us, and all had a great time.  Dear Paul nearly had a heart attack, bless his heart!  He is programmed to worry, and did so yesterday enough for all of us!  Love that man :)  I'm pretty certain he will not be allowing sweet Zaylee Jean to be riding any tubes until much later in life.  Ha.
After the kids had their fun, Dad, Erin, Craig and I had our own fun.


We laughed so hard as we were tossed around on the giant tube, weaving in and out of the wake, taking a few hard waves with blunt force.  It was so much FUN!

The little lady had had enough fun, sleeping peacefully in the rocking waves

Paul and Uncle Craig with Kendrick, Micah and Avery

Avery joined the napping front of the boat

We were joined by the wonderful Aunt Jenny!

Three babies and their mommas

We love Aunt Jenny and the time we get to spend with her!!

Lake Geneva has so many bits of my heart, and I hope the memories just keep coming as our family of three grows! 

Labor Day Weekend Fun

The Fair

For over 70 years, Walworth County has had an annual fair over Labor Day weekend.  It is a BIG deal in our sweet, little town, and draws in a very large crowd.  The kids in the area work all year on their prized animals to have them ready for the big, five day weekend extravaganza.  They camp out on the grounds all weekend with their fellow 4-h friends, lounge around the barns, show off their animals, and in the end hope to leave with Grand champion, but most of all they just have fun!  I always envied those kids, and wished deep down that I would someday be a farm girl, leading my cow around the circle as the judges added up their tallies.  That dream never came true, but I still LOVE going to the fair and being surrounded by that awful smell that lingers in the hot, moist air.  It's is almost enough to take your breath away, and not in the pleasant way.

Grandma D and Avery in the pig pen!

Grandpa and Cohen checking out the sheep

Zaylee wasn't so sure about the pigs, but Taylor tried to show her that everything was fine!

We even had a special fair attendee, Renanah! We love her :)

The fair is always a good time.  I started going in Jr. High.  The glory days.  My girlfriends and I would get all dressed up to walk around and around and around scouting out all the boys from town that were likely doing the same thing.  Sure we would go on rides, play games, but let's be honest we were there for the social aspect and hopeful prospects of  boys that might want to walk around with us!  Oh the sweet memories :)

The three youngest hanging out!

Times have changed, years have gone by, and now I get to enjoy it with my main man and little lady, and enjoy it in a whole new way!  We now go for the people watching, which far exceeds anything you might be picturing (trust me!), and the food.  They have almost anything deep fried and/or on a stick.  Chocolate covered bacon, fried oreos, fried twinkies, deep fried cheese on a stick, frozen chocolate covered banana on a stick.  You name, they most likely have it!  It is all way over priced, and bound to give someone a heart attack, but you just HAVE to try at least one thing new every year!  This year we tried the chocolate covered bacon, and were sadly disappointed.  It sounded so promising.  Who doesn't love chocolate and bacon?  Roasted sweet corn is a must, and will never let you down!
It has become a family tradition, and only seems to get more chaotic as the years go by and the kids keep multiplying.  Most times chaos equals fun, but sometimes it is just chaos :)

Avery was excited to ride some rides this year, if you can't tell she is hilarious and full of spunk!

We have a picture like this from every fair outing.  Love that girl!

First fair family picture!  Zay was such a trooper all day.

Chaos! 

Night time snuggles with Grandpa!

 I hope we have many more years, with many more fun filled family memories at the Walworth County Fair!

Playlist

In the weeks before Zaylee was born, I put together a playlist for the laboring process, as well as, in the days to follow.  I listened to these songs play over and over.  A few of them play over in my head as I reminisce on those early days of sweet Zaylee's life, and the years leading up to this point in our lives.  
Paul used to always make fun of me and the way I could take any song and feel it so strongly as if I had written it myself.  I used to get lost in music.  It was my outlet when I was feeling depressed and sad, and I would escape into the lyrics of some brokenhearted song writer as if the wounds were my own.  As I slowly gave my life back over to the Lord, and found my wholeness in Him, my music choice shifted a bit.  I will always love music, and it will always be something that brings a sense of calm to me, but it is no longer my outlet.  Paul helped me see this, and would play me silly songs, with ridiculous sounds, and we would laugh and sing so loudly and off key.  I used to hate his choice in music, it drove me NUTS, but now, now I find joy in his appreciation for all types of music and watching him dance around, likely singing his own lyrics as he never can quite remember the ones intended for the song!  He makes my heart happy!

1.  Make a Mistake -- Brad Paisley
In the winter of 2008, in the midst of writing letters to one another, Paul sent me the a video in a Facebook message.  It was a music video of one of our favorites, Brad Paisley, singing a song I hadn't heard yet.  I already loved Paul for a few years at this point, but just wasn't "ready" (whatever that means!) to admit it yet, so when I heard this song I smiled for weeks.  He tried to convince me he just liked the song and wanted to share it, and not to read in to it! :)

"You over think things
You say what if we're not meant to be
Well you know what so what
Make a mistake with me

Nobody goes through this life and does
Everything perfectly
We're all gonna fail so you might as well
Make a mistake with me

Sometimes baby when we take
A chance that has this much at stake
We look back and in hindsight
What seemed wrong looks more like right"

2.  Beautiful Mess--Jason Mraz
In the fall of 2008, Paul surprised me with a date night in Chicago listening to one of my favorites, Jason Mraz at the Aragon Ballroom.  I was a "punk" (as he describes it) that night as we had become quite close and I began to pull away.  As we listened to the soft song, Beautiful Mess, play, and heard the lyrics fill the room, Paul slipped his hand in mine for the first time.  This song to him, was like all those ones I always said were "our" song.  It made him think of me, and now it was forever special as we were holding hands in the middle of a room full of strangers.  There we were, and now here we are!

"Although you were biased I love your advice Your comebacks they’re quick and probably Have to do with your insecurities There’s no shame in being crazy depending on how you take these Words they're paraphrasing this relationship we’re staging
And it’s a beautiful mess, yes, it is It’s like we're picking up trash in dresses
Well, it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say Kind of turn themselves into blades And the kind and courteous is a life I’ve heard But it’s nice to say that we played in the dirt 'Cause here, here we are, here we are"

3. Tell Everybody I Know-Keb Mo
In the summer of 2010, after we had officially started dating, he played, on what seemed to be repeat, Keb Mo's album.  It floods my mind with memories of those warms days we spent together, as we started the beginning stages of our life together.  They are wonderful memories indeed!!

lt`s no secret, l don`t care
Gonna shout it out everywhere
Well, l love my baby,
hot, cold, fast, or slow
l love my baby, gonna tell everybody l know
ln the evening in my bed l hear voices in my head
They say, Never, never, ever let her go
l love my baby,gonna tell everybody l know
l love my baby,gonna tell everybody l know
Other women don`t mean
a thing to me Well, you can pick them all up,
dump them all in the sea

`Cause if l got no money, she don`t care
She`ll open up her pocketbook
and pay my fare l know she loves me,
up, down, high, and low Love my baby

4.  He's Always Been Faithful-Sara Groves 
After more than 10 years of friendship, and a lot of ups and downs in our relationship, it was finally our time.  God had been faithful to us, as we prayed for his timing and direction.  His timing was perfect in every way it could have possibly been!   Before we said I do, we sang together with all our loved ones, "Great is Thy Faithfulness".  As I type this, I am still filled with chills thinking back on that special moment.  I will never forget that beautiful sound.  

"This is my anthem, this is my song
The theme of the stories I've heard for so long
God has been faithful, He will be again
His loving compassion, it knows no end
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He's always been faithful, He's always been faithful
He's always been faithful to me."

5.  You and Me-Dave Matthews Band 
As I rocked back and forth on a blue exercise ball, elbows digging deep into Paul's thighs, as I felt the deep pains of my sweet baby preparing to come into our world, a song played that will always remind me of that special moment.  Paul has never been a fan of  Dave Matthews, but this song is now special to him as well.  It seemed perfect in that moment, as I leaned so heavily on him, to get me through those moments of blurry, beautiful pain.  He makes me stronger, and is the best partner to share life with! 

 "Oh, and when the kids are old enough We're gonna teach them to fly
You and me together, we could do anything, Baby You and me together yes, yes
We can always look back at what we did All these memories of you and me baby But right now it's you and me forever girl And you know we could do better than anything that we did You know that you and me, we could do anything"

6.  I Get To Be-JJ Heller 
In my first weeks holding my sweet baby girl, as I would walk around the living room, rocking her to sleep, I would sing her songs in her ear.  You are my sunshine, Make me a servant, I will make you fishers of me, Oh how I love Jesus.  It seemed to calm her, and truthfully, it calmed me!  A song that I would play over and over, while singing along to the words, that had become my own for my little girl, was by JJ Heller.  The same woman we danced our first dance as a married couple to, just 11 months earlier.  I still sing it often, and will always be my song for my baby Zaylee.  

Don't feel alone now,
Little baby.
Do you hear me singing you a song
I can't wait to show you
Little baby
How to crawl
How to walk
And how to run

I get to be the one to hold your hand
I get to be the one.
Through birthdays and broken bones
I'll be there to watch you grow
I get to be the one.

How does someone so small
Hold my heart so tightly
I don't even know you
I love you completely

There are so many songs that I could add to this, but I just wanted to remember these few and the special memories they will forever hold in my mind and heart.  I will never get sick of singing and dancing around the living room with my little girl;  I just hope she feels the same! :) 

I Don't Want to Forget...

...The Last Few Weeks! 

Towards the end of December, your dad and I started loosely "remodeling" French Quarters.  I wanted everything to be perfect for your arrival, and for this to really feel like our home instead of dad's bachelor pad from years past.  It needed quite a bit of TLC, a whole lot of deep cleaning, a fresh coat of paint on every inch of the place, and a new bathroom, including a tub so that we could easily bathe you! :)  We had so much fun working together late into the cold winter nights, helping each other with all the small details we wanted to accomplish.  It was a special time for us, as we were making it our very own, and preparing it for YOU!  Dad is a hard worker, and loves learning how to do things using his beloved tools.  We spent almost every evening roaming the aisles of Home Depot, making acquaintances with the workers as they watched my belly expanding with your little life growing bigger and bigger!  At least twice a week, we would have dinner at Jersey Mike's as we would rest for a bit in the midst of our work.  We always felt special as we walked through the door.  The workers always asked how I was doing and shared in our excitement as the days went by bring us closer to meeting you!  I was treated to free cookies, and toy footballs for you baby girl!  They were convinced you were a boy, but we will teach you to throw a ball just the same.  Oh how I loved my growing belly, and seeing the smile on strangers faces as they passed by.  You brought us so much joy, and now bring us even more with every passing day!
In the few weeks before you made your arrival, Grandma D and Grandpa D came down to Wheaton quite often.  Grandpa would be painting, and Grandma would help me deep clean areas that had been neglected for far too long.  It was fun, and we were so thankful for the constant help!  Aunt Erin and Uncle Nicholas also joined us for a full day of painting and electrical work.  At moments I would have breakdowns that you would come and nothing would be finished.  Dad stayed calm and reassured me that it wouldn't matter, as long as you were safe and healthy.  In my 39th week of carrying you, we moved all of our belongings that we had acquired in our first year of marriage, from our small, cozy apartment to our new humble abode!  Uncle Tim and Aunt Bethany came to assist us, as well as, Grandpa and Grandma.  It went quickly, and I felt much more at peace that night as we laid in bed overjoyed with how it was all coming together.  We were even able to hang pictures and such on the walls of the main level so that I could feel more at home.  I was ready for you to come now, and anxiously waited for something to begin to show me you too were ready!
I went in for my 40 week check up, and had no progress.  You didn't seem to be ready after all.  That afternoon, Uncle Luc and his good friend Eli arrived from France.  They were coming to meet you!!  Uncle Marc and Mamie were supposed to be joining them, but to our great sadness, Uncle Marc had a fall that caused him to require a minor surgery.  The boys kept me occupied, and full of laughs and good times.  They were so cute and protective of you in those last days in my belly.  Any time I would muttered any sort of, "Ooh"  or "Aah" in reaction to you kicking and stretching, they would jump and say, "Is it a contraction?  Do we need to go to the hospital!?"  Unfortunately it was not necessary as you were comfy right where you were!   The contractions I did have were just the usual, tight, never ceasing Braxton Hicks with a slightly painful one here and there, but nothing that even resembled the beginning stages of labor.  My belly was constantly being rubbed by the two of them, as they would talk to you in sweet voices.  They were so excited, and it was so endearing to watch.

In great Tabailloux and McKendrick form, you were late.  In order to keep my mind off this fact, we kept busy.  We went shopping, on a day trip to Lake Geneva, to an Arena Football game, a birthday party for Chris Duggan, played frisbee golf, kicked a football around, and even went on a zip line multiple times.  I tried everything to entice your cute self to come out and meet us!

On the Sunday before we met you, we ate like kings at the Brazilian Steak House.  It was delicious, and I ate WAY TOO MUCH!  The following day, I went for another check up, and you my dear, had not moved!  Our doctors only allow for a 41 week pregnancy, so they were scheduling me for an induction.  The nurse came back in the room to inform me that I was to be induced the next day at 6:30pm.  WHAT?!  I panicked!  I called dad on my way home from the clinic and bawled.  He couldn't understand my tears, all he could do was rejoice because we were finally going to be able to meet you.  I too was overjoyed for the meeting you part, and was actually excited for the birthing process, but I was sad to not have you inside me anymore.  I loved feeling you, and knowing you were safe, and was scared to not have that control anymore.  I was terrified that I would have births like other girls I had heard of recently that had ended with a C-section.  The one thing I did not want more than anything.  Dad told me to go home and hang out with the boys.  Laugh with them, and try to relax a bit.  When I walked in they were cleaning up the delicious lunch Luc had made.  Eli, in our Franglish, hand motion way of communicating, asked if he could help me in anyway.  So he vacuumed the stairs and under the couch.  They were so sweet and helpful, and I was in a daze.  That night, Aunt Bethany and Uncle Timmy came over and joined us for dinner, and prayed over us before parting.  It was surreal, our last night alone as husband and wife, in our new home.  It was quiet, and filled with conversation about you.
The next morning Dad went to work as per usual, and I prepared.  I put every piece of laundry in it's place, cleaned every bit of the house, and made sure everything was just right so that when we returned home all would be good.  I repacked our bags and made sure I had everything, and that I wasn't over packing.  It was all set when dad came home that afternoon at around 3.  We took a few last pictures of my belly, and lounged around the house together in the quiet that surrounded us.

At around 4, I received a call from the hospital letting me know that my induction would be starting a bit later than expected and to wait for a call from them to inform us it was time.  With the extra time given to us, we went on our last date.  We headed to Houlihan's, as I was craving the spinach dip, and I ate way more than I was supposed to, but in the end was so thankful I did!  It was a warm evening, and we sat outside taking in this special moment we were sharing, when the phone rang.  They were ready for us.  It was time!  I flagged down the waitress and politely asked for the check.  I couldn't hold in my excitement so I shared with her that we were about to have our baby and were needing to hurry to the hospital.  She got an excited, puzzled look and exclaimed, "Oh my! Did your water just break!!?"  I of course laughed and said, "Um, no I would be a bit more anxious if that were the case, we are being induced tonight!"  On that note, she handed us the check, we payed, and headed to the car holding hands and full of emotions!

She Is So Much Fun!

As the days go on, and we watch our little lady learning more and more things, we can't help but smile and laugh at her spunky personality that continues to blossom!  She is quite the daddy's girl and lights up when he walks in the door returning home from work.  Paul snatches her up, gives her lots of kisses, and as she is talking to him he holds her in the air and says, "How is it possible that you are mine!?  I love you so much!"  What joy it brings my heart watching him love her so completely.  I'm so thankful to be sharing this role of parent to our sweet girl with such a selfless, loving, patient man!  The Lord has richly blessed me, and I am forever grateful.

In the last few days Zaylee has been filling her days with roaming the living room floor.  She scoots all around, pushing her self backwards as she slides across the wooden planks.  When she wants something in front of her just out of reach, she concentrates so hard on the great attempt of launching forward, but she just can't quite figure out that maneuver yet.  It's so fun to watch her think so intently and kick her little legs in hopes to some how get to the object she is so vigorously trying to reach.  She usually grunts and moans and sometimes lets out cries of frustration.  I won't lie, I love her fake, frustrated cry and the faces she makes along with them! 

It's fun to watch her moving around, but I would be just fine with her holding off on the whole crawling bit for a little while longer!  I like the ability to set her down and know she can't get into anything if I look away for a minute, and that she still lets me hold her and is content with just being in my arms without wanting to get down and run away from me!
I suppose it is time to start baby proofing the house, because she will be on the move sooner rather than later!