Playlist

In the weeks before Zaylee was born, I put together a playlist for the laboring process, as well as, in the days to follow.  I listened to these songs play over and over.  A few of them play over in my head as I reminisce on those early days of sweet Zaylee's life, and the years leading up to this point in our lives.  
Paul used to always make fun of me and the way I could take any song and feel it so strongly as if I had written it myself.  I used to get lost in music.  It was my outlet when I was feeling depressed and sad, and I would escape into the lyrics of some brokenhearted song writer as if the wounds were my own.  As I slowly gave my life back over to the Lord, and found my wholeness in Him, my music choice shifted a bit.  I will always love music, and it will always be something that brings a sense of calm to me, but it is no longer my outlet.  Paul helped me see this, and would play me silly songs, with ridiculous sounds, and we would laugh and sing so loudly and off key.  I used to hate his choice in music, it drove me NUTS, but now, now I find joy in his appreciation for all types of music and watching him dance around, likely singing his own lyrics as he never can quite remember the ones intended for the song!  He makes my heart happy!

1.  Make a Mistake -- Brad Paisley
In the winter of 2008, in the midst of writing letters to one another, Paul sent me the a video in a Facebook message.  It was a music video of one of our favorites, Brad Paisley, singing a song I hadn't heard yet.  I already loved Paul for a few years at this point, but just wasn't "ready" (whatever that means!) to admit it yet, so when I heard this song I smiled for weeks.  He tried to convince me he just liked the song and wanted to share it, and not to read in to it! :)

"You over think things
You say what if we're not meant to be
Well you know what so what
Make a mistake with me

Nobody goes through this life and does
Everything perfectly
We're all gonna fail so you might as well
Make a mistake with me

Sometimes baby when we take
A chance that has this much at stake
We look back and in hindsight
What seemed wrong looks more like right"

2.  Beautiful Mess--Jason Mraz
In the fall of 2008, Paul surprised me with a date night in Chicago listening to one of my favorites, Jason Mraz at the Aragon Ballroom.  I was a "punk" (as he describes it) that night as we had become quite close and I began to pull away.  As we listened to the soft song, Beautiful Mess, play, and heard the lyrics fill the room, Paul slipped his hand in mine for the first time.  This song to him, was like all those ones I always said were "our" song.  It made him think of me, and now it was forever special as we were holding hands in the middle of a room full of strangers.  There we were, and now here we are!

"Although you were biased I love your advice Your comebacks they’re quick and probably Have to do with your insecurities There’s no shame in being crazy depending on how you take these Words they're paraphrasing this relationship we’re staging
And it’s a beautiful mess, yes, it is It’s like we're picking up trash in dresses
Well, it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say Kind of turn themselves into blades And the kind and courteous is a life I’ve heard But it’s nice to say that we played in the dirt 'Cause here, here we are, here we are"

3. Tell Everybody I Know-Keb Mo
In the summer of 2010, after we had officially started dating, he played, on what seemed to be repeat, Keb Mo's album.  It floods my mind with memories of those warms days we spent together, as we started the beginning stages of our life together.  They are wonderful memories indeed!!

lt`s no secret, l don`t care
Gonna shout it out everywhere
Well, l love my baby,
hot, cold, fast, or slow
l love my baby, gonna tell everybody l know
ln the evening in my bed l hear voices in my head
They say, Never, never, ever let her go
l love my baby,gonna tell everybody l know
l love my baby,gonna tell everybody l know
Other women don`t mean
a thing to me Well, you can pick them all up,
dump them all in the sea

`Cause if l got no money, she don`t care
She`ll open up her pocketbook
and pay my fare l know she loves me,
up, down, high, and low Love my baby

4.  He's Always Been Faithful-Sara Groves 
After more than 10 years of friendship, and a lot of ups and downs in our relationship, it was finally our time.  God had been faithful to us, as we prayed for his timing and direction.  His timing was perfect in every way it could have possibly been!   Before we said I do, we sang together with all our loved ones, "Great is Thy Faithfulness".  As I type this, I am still filled with chills thinking back on that special moment.  I will never forget that beautiful sound.  

"This is my anthem, this is my song
The theme of the stories I've heard for so long
God has been faithful, He will be again
His loving compassion, it knows no end
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He's always been faithful, He's always been faithful
He's always been faithful to me."

5.  You and Me-Dave Matthews Band 
As I rocked back and forth on a blue exercise ball, elbows digging deep into Paul's thighs, as I felt the deep pains of my sweet baby preparing to come into our world, a song played that will always remind me of that special moment.  Paul has never been a fan of  Dave Matthews, but this song is now special to him as well.  It seemed perfect in that moment, as I leaned so heavily on him, to get me through those moments of blurry, beautiful pain.  He makes me stronger, and is the best partner to share life with! 

 "Oh, and when the kids are old enough We're gonna teach them to fly
You and me together, we could do anything, Baby You and me together yes, yes
We can always look back at what we did All these memories of you and me baby But right now it's you and me forever girl And you know we could do better than anything that we did You know that you and me, we could do anything"

6.  I Get To Be-JJ Heller 
In my first weeks holding my sweet baby girl, as I would walk around the living room, rocking her to sleep, I would sing her songs in her ear.  You are my sunshine, Make me a servant, I will make you fishers of me, Oh how I love Jesus.  It seemed to calm her, and truthfully, it calmed me!  A song that I would play over and over, while singing along to the words, that had become my own for my little girl, was by JJ Heller.  The same woman we danced our first dance as a married couple to, just 11 months earlier.  I still sing it often, and will always be my song for my baby Zaylee.  

Don't feel alone now,
Little baby.
Do you hear me singing you a song
I can't wait to show you
Little baby
How to crawl
How to walk
And how to run

I get to be the one to hold your hand
I get to be the one.
Through birthdays and broken bones
I'll be there to watch you grow
I get to be the one.

How does someone so small
Hold my heart so tightly
I don't even know you
I love you completely

There are so many songs that I could add to this, but I just wanted to remember these few and the special memories they will forever hold in my mind and heart.  I will never get sick of singing and dancing around the living room with my little girl;  I just hope she feels the same! :)