I Don't Want to Forget...

...Pregnancy:  The Good Stuff!
Two days before we got to see you for the first time, I spent the morning in the Emergency Room.  I spent 21 hours hunched over that dreaded white porcelain, and I mean 21 solid hours.  By the time I would make it back to the bed and find a spot that I could rest in, I would be up running again.  I didn't even attempt sips of water or ginger ale, because I knew it would just make me more miserable than I already was.  I was 8 weeks pregnant, and still dealing with the extra worry that came along with housing a baby.  The ultrasound couldn't come fast enough!  I knew being nauseous was a good thing as everyone kept reminding me that sick equaled healthy baby, but I still wanted to have proof that my awful 21 hour episode didn't harm you in any way!
Dad was able to take off work and accompany me to our very first doctors appointment, and our very first peek at you!  It was the afternoon on July 28th, and you were just 8 weeks old.  We got an overload of information about the hospital, what to expect with our appointments each month, things I should and shouldn't do to ensure your health.  Neither of us could fully concentrate, because, let's be honest, all we wanted to hear that day was, "There's your baby!"  A little while later after all the talking, we were walked down to a room on the left side of the hallway.  I laid on the cold exam table as the paper crinkled beneath me and your dad stood by my side holding my hand.  The doctor we were seeing that day wasn't the friendliest of the bunch, but that didn't stop us from enjoying this moment.  After a few minutes of probing and prodding, there you were on the screen.  You were a tiny little ball of joy, and your heart was fluttering with each healthy beat.  Overjoyed.
About 4 weeks later, on August 29th, we heard that flutter come to life as we listened to the sweet sound of your beating heart!  We had just returned from Uncle Timmy and Aunt Bethany's wedding in Florida, and Aunt Jenny came with us.  As I looked over at your dad with the sound of your heart filling the room,  I saw his eyes welling with tears of love and joy for you sweet girl!  150 beats per minute.  It was a wonderful moment, and a moment I looked forward to every month.  I loved my doctors appointments and cherished each time I was able to hear the life inside me. 
In early October, we flew down to Honduras to visit Grandma D and Grandpa D.  In the middle of our trip we traveled to El Pariso with Antonio, Ana, and Cristofer.  While there, we were sitting in the home that would soon be their's, Cristofer was asleep on my lap his body warm against my belly, and in that moment you kicked me for the first time!  It startled me and I yelled to dad and Grandma D and exclaimed, "I just felt the baby!"  Each day I would feel you more and more, and Dad would grow jealous at times because he wanted to feel you as well.  On November 8th, I was laying on the couch with dad sitting next to me on the floor, and you started to dance around.  I hurriedly grabbed Dad's hand and pushed it against my moving stomach, and for the first time he felt you kick the palm of his hand!  Feeling you kick and squirm inside me was the highlight of my day, everyday!
On October 21st, we were able to see just how squirmy you were.  We had the sweetest ultrasound tech who took her time and allowed us to have extra time just watching you move and swim around.  Dad couldn't get over how gracefully you would move your legs.  He said you were going to be a good swimmer someday, and I would have to agree!  You were looking right at us with your pretty little eyes, and never once stopped kicking your legs or tickling my bladder.  It was such a special moment and a blessing to hear the words, "Your baby looks strong and healthy!"  We were so in love, and couldn't wait to see you in our arms rather than on the screen!  I cherished the next 20 weeks, and truly loved feeling you and knowing you were safe and warm inside me.

I Don't Want to Forget...

...Pregnancy: The Hard Parts

From the very beginning, I had a constant, never ending, awful taste in my mouth.  I could hardly stand it, and at times I thought I was going crazy.  It tasted almost as if I was sucking on a dirty penny made of iron.  I tried everything to wash this taste away, but nothing seemed to do the trick.  I have always been a gum addict, but for those first few months I could barely get it in my mouth before I would quickly put it back into the wrapper it came from.  At times, I would attempt to brush my teeth (or rather scrub my tongue!) in hopes that that would wash it all away, but that would send me to my knees hugging that porcelain bowl again!  Everyone I consulted on this issue, claimed they never experienced this when they were pregnant.  Further proof that I was going crazy!!  After a hot, spicy meal some weeks later, it all started to make sense.  It was the curse of the pregnancy induced heartburn.  Oh how it burned!  There were days I wanted to starve myself in hopes that it wouldn't come rushing up my throat in a fiery blaze!  I caused much of my own discomfort, as I prefer spicy foods, meaty chili, pizza, and chocolate, but it seemed that no matter what I ate or drank, it all brought on the bubbling lava.  Every night, I would make myself a large cup of hot chocolate before going to bed.  Every night!  It seemed to soothe the burn in the slightest of ways, but really I think it just became of source of comfort and habit!  
Along with the heartburn came many, many sleepless nights.  I would toss and turn from side to side never finding the spot or position I was looking for.  Your dad spent most nights on the couch as I would keep him up, and when he did fall asleep I would wake him to ask him to stop snoring or just because I needed him to comfort me.  He was so kind about all the disruptions, and never got upset with me.  Bless his heart!  He would constantly remind me that we are in this together, when I was feeling bad about bothering him or interrupting his sleep.  He is the most patient, kind man I know.  For my entire pregnancy, I cannot remember even one night of full, peaceful sleep.  I guess it was preparing me for motherhood, but at the time all I desired was a good, solid, well rested nights sleep!
I called Grandma D and Aunt Erin quite often wondering about little things I was feeling or experiencing.  I had experienced pregnancy through my sisters, living with them through the entirety, but this was different.  It was my body changing.  My responsibility.  Frankly, it scared me and put a worry in me that I had never experienced.  They would often laugh at me, or tell me I was crazy, but it didn't stop me from calling a few days later with another silly question.  I wanted to know everything that I was feeling was normal, expected.
Towards the end of your time in my belly, you had a habit of punching my bladder so hard I thought your little hand was going to break through!  I had never felt a stronger sensation to run to the bathroom than in those moments.  When we saw you on the screen, moving around in the shadows, the ultrasound tech asked me if I had to pee often.  I of course said, "YES! but doesn't every pregnant woman!?"  She then pointed at your little hand, which at that very moment was tickling and poking at my bladder.  You sure have a sense of humor :)  Along with using my bladder as a punching bag, in the last month of carrying  you, my right leg would give out as I would feel an intense jab at a nerve in my pelvic region.  I began to wobble.  It wasn't pretty, but it was inevitable, as you had begun to push down so hard on my pelvis that I began to feel a burning pain.  You wanted out, and I too wanted to meet you so I accepted your gestures of readiness.  As much discomfort as I was in, and as much as I might have complained, I truly loved feeling you and knowing you were safe inside me.  It was the greatest honor and blessing of my life carrying you in my womb!

A Few Five Month Pictures

 Zaylee is still our little peanut, but she sure is growing up fast!  I may be biased, but I am convinced she gets cuter with every passing day :)

She loves her jumper, and has become pretty good at it!  She especially loves when music is on, and she can find the beat!!

Each month I try to take a picture of her on her "birthday"

I can't get enough of those eyes!

Her first time wearing jeans!  Paul thought she looked too cute, and I'd agree, although her tiny waist didn't hold them up very well.  They were a size 0-3 month!

First time in her big girl high chair! And first time in shoes :)

Morning snuggles with Sawyer

Morning giggles with Grandpa D!

A Visit from the Theoharis Clan!

Yesterday Erin and the kids came down to Wheaton for a little mid-week visit!  They arrived around 11, and after quick hellos we packed everyone into the Sienna and headed over to Cosley Zoo.

The two big kids were determined to climb up the sign!

It's a sweet little zoo, well maintained, friendly staff, and the perfect number of animals to keep you occupied for a short afternoon out of the house.  A perk I discovered yesterday was the fact that Wheaton residence get in free!  It was, of course, the one time I didn't have my photo idea on me, as I had left it in Paul's wallet.  Thankfully, even for non-residence, it is only three dollars for adults, and kids up to the age of 17 are free!  The kids seemed to enjoy looking at the animals, petting the donkey, watching a chicken being trained, and ended with a Dora and Spiderman popsicle at the Coyote Cafe!  Zaylee and Remington were lounging in the stroller, and were both extremely tired, but I'm sure they liked it too! :)

After the zoo, we headed over to the "Rocket Ship" park on Lambert.  I had heard it had a splash pad, and it was the perfect day for a little water time fun!  Well, it was a fun park, but the splash pad was a bit of a let down.  The kids had fun and that's really all that matters, right?  We did hear about another park not to far down Roosevelt that is a much bigger splash park--next time! 
At this point in the day, Zaylee had had enough fun, and was more than ready for her nap, but she stuck it out.  She even went down her first slide with the help of Kendrick, and enjoyed a little time in the swing!  The sprinkles were cold, and she didn't quite care for them, but the others had a blast, even little Remmers!

Remington had fun playing the older cousin while we tried to snap some cute pictures of Zaylee and him!  She doesn't mind kisses and snuggles normally, but this little guy grabbing on her wasn't her favorite.  Can't wait to watch the two of them and Cohen running around together when they are older!

They made amends a few minutes later! :)

It was a great day.  We love our time with the Theoharis family! :)

I Don't Want to Forget...

...Pregnancy: The Beginning

The first few days following our ER visit, I was afraid to move.  The doctor had said we were only a few days pregnant, and ordered us to follow up with an OB doctor to further confirm that you were truly in my womb.  I was still in a bit of pain, and my mind was transfixed on YOU alone.  Dad would come home from work, make me lunch, open the blinds, and we would talk about how excited we were to meet you!!  We were immediately so attached to you, that when I went to the doctor's office for my follow-up appointment I was heartbroken when she told me, "don't get your hope's up too high as this may have been a chemical false positive."  It was far too late for that, we were in love and wanted you so badly!  I held back tears as she explained all the medical jargon to me, and as I went down to have my blood drawn again, I prayed fervently for your life.  For two days, I waited.  I knew in my heart you were there, I could feel it, and I wanted it so badly to be true.  I was on the phone with Sarah Jean and had confided in her that we were possibly pregnant, but waiting for the confirmation from the doctor.  I heard a beep on the phone indicating another call.  I asked Sarah to wait a minute, clicked over to the other line, and heard a woman's voice.  It was a nurse from Dr. Freeman's office with the results.  "Your HCG levels have gone up quite nicely, so you are in fact pregnant!"  My heart started racing while my stomach filled with overly excited butterflies.  I was elated.  I clicked over to share the news with Sarah.  She then told me she too was pregnant!  How fun to be pregnant with my best friend!!
As I was hanging up the phone, your dad opened the apartment door and I tearfully rejoiced in his arms.  We were going to become parents.  We were going to be YOUR mom and dad.  That afternoon I went to the grocery store and stocked up on V8 juice, orange juice, fruits and other things that I deemed healthy.  I stopped over at the Vitamin Shoppe and picked up some prenatal vitamins.  For the next two weeks, life was wonderful.  You were my only thoughts.  Dad was so in love with you from the very moment we heard you were a life inside me.
July 18th was a hot, humid day.  It was the day your cousin Cohen was born, and I had told Uncle Craig that I would head up there in the morning to help look after Micah and Avery.  When I woke up I felt extremely nauseous, but thought maybe it was just hunger.  A few minutes later, I was holding tightly to the porcelain bowl and remained there for quite some time.  From that day on, you rejected much of what I desired to fill my stomach with.  I could no longer eat my beloved cheese, or drink my morning pot of coffee.  Things I normally was quite fond of, became unbearable, and things I used to never care for became all I wanted.  The smell of most foods sent me running to the nearest receptacle.  Grocery stores, our apartment hallway, chicken, toast, and most things cooked inside our small kitchen pulled the trigger.  Dad was so gracious and kind, and would take me anywhere my craving at the moment desired.  More often than not, I would take one bite of said craving and fight my body to swallow it down, but lost more times than I won.  Tears would start flowing out of utter frustration.  I wanted to be able to eat.  I wanted the ability to enjoy food again, and the process of making meals for your dad.  I lived off toasted bagels, orange juice, gatorade, and frozen pizza.  This lasted until October 2nd.  I woke up feeling different, hungry and in want of food.  We were heading home from Lake Geneva, and I saw the sign from Crandall's Chicken.  I had to have it!  We pulled in, sat at a corner table, and I devoured broiled chicken, mashed potatoes, and corn.  It was the first meal I had truly enjoyed, let alone finished, since that hot July morning.  I was overjoyed!!

I Don't Want to Forget....

...Finding Out

On June 12, 2011, your dad and I visited Wheaton Bible Church with Mariah and Kory.  While there, we heard a man, Chris Yuan, and his mother speak on their journey's to God, and all the hardships that brought them there.  As I was listening to the mother's story and her devotion and love for her son, something inside me screamed out, "I am ready!!"  Dad and I knew we didn't want to wait too long before starting a family, but we had thought a year seemed like a good amount of time.  However, after listening to this beautiful story of love between this mother and son, we both felt a tug and decided that night while sitting on our patio at 1051 Briarbrook Drive Apartment 206, that we were more than ready.
For years I had had fears, dreams even, that I wasn't going to be able to have children.  It is something I prayed over many times, and had begun praying that if that were true for my life, the Lord would start preparing my heart for the trials I may face.  Dad also had thoughts like this.  Another reason we thought, "Why wait!?"
Two weeks later at around 12:30 a.m. on June 27th, I started having extreme lower right abdominal pain.  I'm a bit stubborn, and not a huge fan of being a patient, but rather prefer being the nurse, so I attempted to "walk it off".  I kept telling dad it was probably just gas, or an air bubble of some sort.  He, of course, didn't buy it as I could barely stand let along walk, and began googling right side pain.  Appendicitis was his declarative diagnosis.  I was delusional with pain at this point and believed him, so into the car we went! 
We arrived at Central Dupage Hospital around 1:30.   After explaining my pain, peeing in a cup, and having my vital signs taken, a young, dark haired doctor came in to talk things over with us.   He asked, "Is there any chance you are pregnant?"  Dad and I looked at one another, thinking back to our conversation two weeks earlier, and replied, "I guess there is a chance, but it would be too early to show up without a blood test."  A few minutes later my blood was drawn, and I was wheeled off to a dark room by a middle aged man with graying hair.  He was ordered to perform an abdominal ultrasound to confirm there suspicion of a possible ruptured ovarian cysts.  I laid there scared and anxious to hear what he saw through the shadows of my abdomen, while dad stroked my hair with one hand and held tight to one of mine with the other.  He was praying in my ear, reassuring me that the Lord was in control.  The man was less than professional, and kept making concerned hmms and ahhs, as we sat there in the dark wondering what they all meant.  I kept squeezing dad's hand trying to fight back tears.  As he was gliding across my belly with the gray wand, spreading the cold, clear gel from side to side, he asked with an inquisitively shocked tone, "So you haven't been vomiting at all?  or blacked out?!"  My mind began to race, and my heart seemed to want to pound right out of my chest!  With a shaky voice I replied, "No, why? What is it?"  He of course answered just as I knew he would--he wasn't allowed to tell us any details as he wasn't the doctor.  At this point, I lost the battle and tears began running down my cheeks falling to the pillow, as I laid there helpless and uncertain of what all this meant as your dad kept repeating, "I love you!  It's going to be ok."
When we arrived back in the emergency room, the doctor came in to confirm that indeed it was an ovarian cyst that had ruptured and was hemorrhaging into my abdominal cavity.  The extreme pain was caused by the blood pooling with no where to go.  We still were waiting to hear the results of the blood test at this point, and our minds kept wandering to the most dreadful of fates--we weren't going to be able to have children after all.  A few minutes later, the doctor peaked his head in and said, "Oh and you ARE pregnant.  That's a good thing right!?"  We cried and said, "Of course, we are just in a bit of shock!!"  We laid in the tiny little bed holding tightly to one another, and let this news soak in.  I had a life inside of me.  We couldn't comprehend this reality with all that we had just endured in such a short amount of time.  It felt so surreal.  We were blissfully happy, and drained of all energy and emotions. 

First Food Experience

Unsuccessful, but fun!

On Wednesday night, we attempted to introduce Miss Zaylee to some food!  We mixed some cereal up with milk, added a tiny bit of squash (per Dad's request!) and gave it a go.  She looked excited at the thought of it being her food instead of watching enviously as we ate ours, but the result was less than pleasurable.  A whole lot of spoon dodging was going on, as well as, some fun facial expressions to show her disgust for this new and unusual feeling of food opposed to the smooth, easy flow of the milk she has solely known for these short 5 months of life.  Paul enjoyed this moment greatly, and even ate the leftover's to show his support! :)
Little by little we are attempting more introductions to food, and hopefully someday soon she will grow to enjoy the act of eating!