Playlist

In the weeks before Zaylee was born, I put together a playlist for the laboring process, as well as, in the days to follow.  I listened to these songs play over and over.  A few of them play over in my head as I reminisce on those early days of sweet Zaylee's life, and the years leading up to this point in our lives.  
Paul used to always make fun of me and the way I could take any song and feel it so strongly as if I had written it myself.  I used to get lost in music.  It was my outlet when I was feeling depressed and sad, and I would escape into the lyrics of some brokenhearted song writer as if the wounds were my own.  As I slowly gave my life back over to the Lord, and found my wholeness in Him, my music choice shifted a bit.  I will always love music, and it will always be something that brings a sense of calm to me, but it is no longer my outlet.  Paul helped me see this, and would play me silly songs, with ridiculous sounds, and we would laugh and sing so loudly and off key.  I used to hate his choice in music, it drove me NUTS, but now, now I find joy in his appreciation for all types of music and watching him dance around, likely singing his own lyrics as he never can quite remember the ones intended for the song!  He makes my heart happy!

1.  Make a Mistake -- Brad Paisley
In the winter of 2008, in the midst of writing letters to one another, Paul sent me the a video in a Facebook message.  It was a music video of one of our favorites, Brad Paisley, singing a song I hadn't heard yet.  I already loved Paul for a few years at this point, but just wasn't "ready" (whatever that means!) to admit it yet, so when I heard this song I smiled for weeks.  He tried to convince me he just liked the song and wanted to share it, and not to read in to it! :)

"You over think things
You say what if we're not meant to be
Well you know what so what
Make a mistake with me

Nobody goes through this life and does
Everything perfectly
We're all gonna fail so you might as well
Make a mistake with me

Sometimes baby when we take
A chance that has this much at stake
We look back and in hindsight
What seemed wrong looks more like right"

2.  Beautiful Mess--Jason Mraz
In the fall of 2008, Paul surprised me with a date night in Chicago listening to one of my favorites, Jason Mraz at the Aragon Ballroom.  I was a "punk" (as he describes it) that night as we had become quite close and I began to pull away.  As we listened to the soft song, Beautiful Mess, play, and heard the lyrics fill the room, Paul slipped his hand in mine for the first time.  This song to him, was like all those ones I always said were "our" song.  It made him think of me, and now it was forever special as we were holding hands in the middle of a room full of strangers.  There we were, and now here we are!

"Although you were biased I love your advice Your comebacks they’re quick and probably Have to do with your insecurities There’s no shame in being crazy depending on how you take these Words they're paraphrasing this relationship we’re staging
And it’s a beautiful mess, yes, it is It’s like we're picking up trash in dresses
Well, it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say Kind of turn themselves into blades And the kind and courteous is a life I’ve heard But it’s nice to say that we played in the dirt 'Cause here, here we are, here we are"

3. Tell Everybody I Know-Keb Mo
In the summer of 2010, after we had officially started dating, he played, on what seemed to be repeat, Keb Mo's album.  It floods my mind with memories of those warms days we spent together, as we started the beginning stages of our life together.  They are wonderful memories indeed!!

lt`s no secret, l don`t care
Gonna shout it out everywhere
Well, l love my baby,
hot, cold, fast, or slow
l love my baby, gonna tell everybody l know
ln the evening in my bed l hear voices in my head
They say, Never, never, ever let her go
l love my baby,gonna tell everybody l know
l love my baby,gonna tell everybody l know
Other women don`t mean
a thing to me Well, you can pick them all up,
dump them all in the sea

`Cause if l got no money, she don`t care
She`ll open up her pocketbook
and pay my fare l know she loves me,
up, down, high, and low Love my baby

4.  He's Always Been Faithful-Sara Groves 
After more than 10 years of friendship, and a lot of ups and downs in our relationship, it was finally our time.  God had been faithful to us, as we prayed for his timing and direction.  His timing was perfect in every way it could have possibly been!   Before we said I do, we sang together with all our loved ones, "Great is Thy Faithfulness".  As I type this, I am still filled with chills thinking back on that special moment.  I will never forget that beautiful sound.  

"This is my anthem, this is my song
The theme of the stories I've heard for so long
God has been faithful, He will be again
His loving compassion, it knows no end
All I have need of, His hand will provide
He's always been faithful, He's always been faithful
He's always been faithful to me."

5.  You and Me-Dave Matthews Band 
As I rocked back and forth on a blue exercise ball, elbows digging deep into Paul's thighs, as I felt the deep pains of my sweet baby preparing to come into our world, a song played that will always remind me of that special moment.  Paul has never been a fan of  Dave Matthews, but this song is now special to him as well.  It seemed perfect in that moment, as I leaned so heavily on him, to get me through those moments of blurry, beautiful pain.  He makes me stronger, and is the best partner to share life with! 

 "Oh, and when the kids are old enough We're gonna teach them to fly
You and me together, we could do anything, Baby You and me together yes, yes
We can always look back at what we did All these memories of you and me baby But right now it's you and me forever girl And you know we could do better than anything that we did You know that you and me, we could do anything"

6.  I Get To Be-JJ Heller 
In my first weeks holding my sweet baby girl, as I would walk around the living room, rocking her to sleep, I would sing her songs in her ear.  You are my sunshine, Make me a servant, I will make you fishers of me, Oh how I love Jesus.  It seemed to calm her, and truthfully, it calmed me!  A song that I would play over and over, while singing along to the words, that had become my own for my little girl, was by JJ Heller.  The same woman we danced our first dance as a married couple to, just 11 months earlier.  I still sing it often, and will always be my song for my baby Zaylee.  

Don't feel alone now,
Little baby.
Do you hear me singing you a song
I can't wait to show you
Little baby
How to crawl
How to walk
And how to run

I get to be the one to hold your hand
I get to be the one.
Through birthdays and broken bones
I'll be there to watch you grow
I get to be the one.

How does someone so small
Hold my heart so tightly
I don't even know you
I love you completely

There are so many songs that I could add to this, but I just wanted to remember these few and the special memories they will forever hold in my mind and heart.  I will never get sick of singing and dancing around the living room with my little girl;  I just hope she feels the same! :) 

I Don't Want to Forget...

...The Last Few Weeks! 

Towards the end of December, your dad and I started loosely "remodeling" French Quarters.  I wanted everything to be perfect for your arrival, and for this to really feel like our home instead of dad's bachelor pad from years past.  It needed quite a bit of TLC, a whole lot of deep cleaning, a fresh coat of paint on every inch of the place, and a new bathroom, including a tub so that we could easily bathe you! :)  We had so much fun working together late into the cold winter nights, helping each other with all the small details we wanted to accomplish.  It was a special time for us, as we were making it our very own, and preparing it for YOU!  Dad is a hard worker, and loves learning how to do things using his beloved tools.  We spent almost every evening roaming the aisles of Home Depot, making acquaintances with the workers as they watched my belly expanding with your little life growing bigger and bigger!  At least twice a week, we would have dinner at Jersey Mike's as we would rest for a bit in the midst of our work.  We always felt special as we walked through the door.  The workers always asked how I was doing and shared in our excitement as the days went by bring us closer to meeting you!  I was treated to free cookies, and toy footballs for you baby girl!  They were convinced you were a boy, but we will teach you to throw a ball just the same.  Oh how I loved my growing belly, and seeing the smile on strangers faces as they passed by.  You brought us so much joy, and now bring us even more with every passing day!
In the few weeks before you made your arrival, Grandma D and Grandpa D came down to Wheaton quite often.  Grandpa would be painting, and Grandma would help me deep clean areas that had been neglected for far too long.  It was fun, and we were so thankful for the constant help!  Aunt Erin and Uncle Nicholas also joined us for a full day of painting and electrical work.  At moments I would have breakdowns that you would come and nothing would be finished.  Dad stayed calm and reassured me that it wouldn't matter, as long as you were safe and healthy.  In my 39th week of carrying you, we moved all of our belongings that we had acquired in our first year of marriage, from our small, cozy apartment to our new humble abode!  Uncle Tim and Aunt Bethany came to assist us, as well as, Grandpa and Grandma.  It went quickly, and I felt much more at peace that night as we laid in bed overjoyed with how it was all coming together.  We were even able to hang pictures and such on the walls of the main level so that I could feel more at home.  I was ready for you to come now, and anxiously waited for something to begin to show me you too were ready!
I went in for my 40 week check up, and had no progress.  You didn't seem to be ready after all.  That afternoon, Uncle Luc and his good friend Eli arrived from France.  They were coming to meet you!!  Uncle Marc and Mamie were supposed to be joining them, but to our great sadness, Uncle Marc had a fall that caused him to require a minor surgery.  The boys kept me occupied, and full of laughs and good times.  They were so cute and protective of you in those last days in my belly.  Any time I would muttered any sort of, "Ooh"  or "Aah" in reaction to you kicking and stretching, they would jump and say, "Is it a contraction?  Do we need to go to the hospital!?"  Unfortunately it was not necessary as you were comfy right where you were!   The contractions I did have were just the usual, tight, never ceasing Braxton Hicks with a slightly painful one here and there, but nothing that even resembled the beginning stages of labor.  My belly was constantly being rubbed by the two of them, as they would talk to you in sweet voices.  They were so excited, and it was so endearing to watch.

In great Tabailloux and McKendrick form, you were late.  In order to keep my mind off this fact, we kept busy.  We went shopping, on a day trip to Lake Geneva, to an Arena Football game, a birthday party for Chris Duggan, played frisbee golf, kicked a football around, and even went on a zip line multiple times.  I tried everything to entice your cute self to come out and meet us!

On the Sunday before we met you, we ate like kings at the Brazilian Steak House.  It was delicious, and I ate WAY TOO MUCH!  The following day, I went for another check up, and you my dear, had not moved!  Our doctors only allow for a 41 week pregnancy, so they were scheduling me for an induction.  The nurse came back in the room to inform me that I was to be induced the next day at 6:30pm.  WHAT?!  I panicked!  I called dad on my way home from the clinic and bawled.  He couldn't understand my tears, all he could do was rejoice because we were finally going to be able to meet you.  I too was overjoyed for the meeting you part, and was actually excited for the birthing process, but I was sad to not have you inside me anymore.  I loved feeling you, and knowing you were safe, and was scared to not have that control anymore.  I was terrified that I would have births like other girls I had heard of recently that had ended with a C-section.  The one thing I did not want more than anything.  Dad told me to go home and hang out with the boys.  Laugh with them, and try to relax a bit.  When I walked in they were cleaning up the delicious lunch Luc had made.  Eli, in our Franglish, hand motion way of communicating, asked if he could help me in anyway.  So he vacuumed the stairs and under the couch.  They were so sweet and helpful, and I was in a daze.  That night, Aunt Bethany and Uncle Timmy came over and joined us for dinner, and prayed over us before parting.  It was surreal, our last night alone as husband and wife, in our new home.  It was quiet, and filled with conversation about you.
The next morning Dad went to work as per usual, and I prepared.  I put every piece of laundry in it's place, cleaned every bit of the house, and made sure everything was just right so that when we returned home all would be good.  I repacked our bags and made sure I had everything, and that I wasn't over packing.  It was all set when dad came home that afternoon at around 3.  We took a few last pictures of my belly, and lounged around the house together in the quiet that surrounded us.

At around 4, I received a call from the hospital letting me know that my induction would be starting a bit later than expected and to wait for a call from them to inform us it was time.  With the extra time given to us, we went on our last date.  We headed to Houlihan's, as I was craving the spinach dip, and I ate way more than I was supposed to, but in the end was so thankful I did!  It was a warm evening, and we sat outside taking in this special moment we were sharing, when the phone rang.  They were ready for us.  It was time!  I flagged down the waitress and politely asked for the check.  I couldn't hold in my excitement so I shared with her that we were about to have our baby and were needing to hurry to the hospital.  She got an excited, puzzled look and exclaimed, "Oh my! Did your water just break!!?"  I of course laughed and said, "Um, no I would be a bit more anxious if that were the case, we are being induced tonight!"  On that note, she handed us the check, we payed, and headed to the car holding hands and full of emotions!

She Is So Much Fun!

As the days go on, and we watch our little lady learning more and more things, we can't help but smile and laugh at her spunky personality that continues to blossom!  She is quite the daddy's girl and lights up when he walks in the door returning home from work.  Paul snatches her up, gives her lots of kisses, and as she is talking to him he holds her in the air and says, "How is it possible that you are mine!?  I love you so much!"  What joy it brings my heart watching him love her so completely.  I'm so thankful to be sharing this role of parent to our sweet girl with such a selfless, loving, patient man!  The Lord has richly blessed me, and I am forever grateful.

In the last few days Zaylee has been filling her days with roaming the living room floor.  She scoots all around, pushing her self backwards as she slides across the wooden planks.  When she wants something in front of her just out of reach, she concentrates so hard on the great attempt of launching forward, but she just can't quite figure out that maneuver yet.  It's so fun to watch her think so intently and kick her little legs in hopes to some how get to the object she is so vigorously trying to reach.  She usually grunts and moans and sometimes lets out cries of frustration.  I won't lie, I love her fake, frustrated cry and the faces she makes along with them! 

It's fun to watch her moving around, but I would be just fine with her holding off on the whole crawling bit for a little while longer!  I like the ability to set her down and know she can't get into anything if I look away for a minute, and that she still lets me hold her and is content with just being in my arms without wanting to get down and run away from me!
I suppose it is time to start baby proofing the house, because she will be on the move sooner rather than later!

I Don't Want to Forget...

...Pregnancy:  The Good Stuff!
Two days before we got to see you for the first time, I spent the morning in the Emergency Room.  I spent 21 hours hunched over that dreaded white porcelain, and I mean 21 solid hours.  By the time I would make it back to the bed and find a spot that I could rest in, I would be up running again.  I didn't even attempt sips of water or ginger ale, because I knew it would just make me more miserable than I already was.  I was 8 weeks pregnant, and still dealing with the extra worry that came along with housing a baby.  The ultrasound couldn't come fast enough!  I knew being nauseous was a good thing as everyone kept reminding me that sick equaled healthy baby, but I still wanted to have proof that my awful 21 hour episode didn't harm you in any way!
Dad was able to take off work and accompany me to our very first doctors appointment, and our very first peek at you!  It was the afternoon on July 28th, and you were just 8 weeks old.  We got an overload of information about the hospital, what to expect with our appointments each month, things I should and shouldn't do to ensure your health.  Neither of us could fully concentrate, because, let's be honest, all we wanted to hear that day was, "There's your baby!"  A little while later after all the talking, we were walked down to a room on the left side of the hallway.  I laid on the cold exam table as the paper crinkled beneath me and your dad stood by my side holding my hand.  The doctor we were seeing that day wasn't the friendliest of the bunch, but that didn't stop us from enjoying this moment.  After a few minutes of probing and prodding, there you were on the screen.  You were a tiny little ball of joy, and your heart was fluttering with each healthy beat.  Overjoyed.
About 4 weeks later, on August 29th, we heard that flutter come to life as we listened to the sweet sound of your beating heart!  We had just returned from Uncle Timmy and Aunt Bethany's wedding in Florida, and Aunt Jenny came with us.  As I looked over at your dad with the sound of your heart filling the room,  I saw his eyes welling with tears of love and joy for you sweet girl!  150 beats per minute.  It was a wonderful moment, and a moment I looked forward to every month.  I loved my doctors appointments and cherished each time I was able to hear the life inside me. 
In early October, we flew down to Honduras to visit Grandma D and Grandpa D.  In the middle of our trip we traveled to El Pariso with Antonio, Ana, and Cristofer.  While there, we were sitting in the home that would soon be their's, Cristofer was asleep on my lap his body warm against my belly, and in that moment you kicked me for the first time!  It startled me and I yelled to dad and Grandma D and exclaimed, "I just felt the baby!"  Each day I would feel you more and more, and Dad would grow jealous at times because he wanted to feel you as well.  On November 8th, I was laying on the couch with dad sitting next to me on the floor, and you started to dance around.  I hurriedly grabbed Dad's hand and pushed it against my moving stomach, and for the first time he felt you kick the palm of his hand!  Feeling you kick and squirm inside me was the highlight of my day, everyday!
On October 21st, we were able to see just how squirmy you were.  We had the sweetest ultrasound tech who took her time and allowed us to have extra time just watching you move and swim around.  Dad couldn't get over how gracefully you would move your legs.  He said you were going to be a good swimmer someday, and I would have to agree!  You were looking right at us with your pretty little eyes, and never once stopped kicking your legs or tickling my bladder.  It was such a special moment and a blessing to hear the words, "Your baby looks strong and healthy!"  We were so in love, and couldn't wait to see you in our arms rather than on the screen!  I cherished the next 20 weeks, and truly loved feeling you and knowing you were safe and warm inside me.

I Don't Want to Forget...

...Pregnancy: The Hard Parts

From the very beginning, I had a constant, never ending, awful taste in my mouth.  I could hardly stand it, and at times I thought I was going crazy.  It tasted almost as if I was sucking on a dirty penny made of iron.  I tried everything to wash this taste away, but nothing seemed to do the trick.  I have always been a gum addict, but for those first few months I could barely get it in my mouth before I would quickly put it back into the wrapper it came from.  At times, I would attempt to brush my teeth (or rather scrub my tongue!) in hopes that that would wash it all away, but that would send me to my knees hugging that porcelain bowl again!  Everyone I consulted on this issue, claimed they never experienced this when they were pregnant.  Further proof that I was going crazy!!  After a hot, spicy meal some weeks later, it all started to make sense.  It was the curse of the pregnancy induced heartburn.  Oh how it burned!  There were days I wanted to starve myself in hopes that it wouldn't come rushing up my throat in a fiery blaze!  I caused much of my own discomfort, as I prefer spicy foods, meaty chili, pizza, and chocolate, but it seemed that no matter what I ate or drank, it all brought on the bubbling lava.  Every night, I would make myself a large cup of hot chocolate before going to bed.  Every night!  It seemed to soothe the burn in the slightest of ways, but really I think it just became of source of comfort and habit!  
Along with the heartburn came many, many sleepless nights.  I would toss and turn from side to side never finding the spot or position I was looking for.  Your dad spent most nights on the couch as I would keep him up, and when he did fall asleep I would wake him to ask him to stop snoring or just because I needed him to comfort me.  He was so kind about all the disruptions, and never got upset with me.  Bless his heart!  He would constantly remind me that we are in this together, when I was feeling bad about bothering him or interrupting his sleep.  He is the most patient, kind man I know.  For my entire pregnancy, I cannot remember even one night of full, peaceful sleep.  I guess it was preparing me for motherhood, but at the time all I desired was a good, solid, well rested nights sleep!
I called Grandma D and Aunt Erin quite often wondering about little things I was feeling or experiencing.  I had experienced pregnancy through my sisters, living with them through the entirety, but this was different.  It was my body changing.  My responsibility.  Frankly, it scared me and put a worry in me that I had never experienced.  They would often laugh at me, or tell me I was crazy, but it didn't stop me from calling a few days later with another silly question.  I wanted to know everything that I was feeling was normal, expected.
Towards the end of your time in my belly, you had a habit of punching my bladder so hard I thought your little hand was going to break through!  I had never felt a stronger sensation to run to the bathroom than in those moments.  When we saw you on the screen, moving around in the shadows, the ultrasound tech asked me if I had to pee often.  I of course said, "YES! but doesn't every pregnant woman!?"  She then pointed at your little hand, which at that very moment was tickling and poking at my bladder.  You sure have a sense of humor :)  Along with using my bladder as a punching bag, in the last month of carrying  you, my right leg would give out as I would feel an intense jab at a nerve in my pelvic region.  I began to wobble.  It wasn't pretty, but it was inevitable, as you had begun to push down so hard on my pelvis that I began to feel a burning pain.  You wanted out, and I too wanted to meet you so I accepted your gestures of readiness.  As much discomfort as I was in, and as much as I might have complained, I truly loved feeling you and knowing you were safe inside me.  It was the greatest honor and blessing of my life carrying you in my womb!

A Few Five Month Pictures

 Zaylee is still our little peanut, but she sure is growing up fast!  I may be biased, but I am convinced she gets cuter with every passing day :)

She loves her jumper, and has become pretty good at it!  She especially loves when music is on, and she can find the beat!!

Each month I try to take a picture of her on her "birthday"

I can't get enough of those eyes!

Her first time wearing jeans!  Paul thought she looked too cute, and I'd agree, although her tiny waist didn't hold them up very well.  They were a size 0-3 month!

First time in her big girl high chair! And first time in shoes :)

Morning snuggles with Sawyer

Morning giggles with Grandpa D!

A Visit from the Theoharis Clan!

Yesterday Erin and the kids came down to Wheaton for a little mid-week visit!  They arrived around 11, and after quick hellos we packed everyone into the Sienna and headed over to Cosley Zoo.

The two big kids were determined to climb up the sign!

It's a sweet little zoo, well maintained, friendly staff, and the perfect number of animals to keep you occupied for a short afternoon out of the house.  A perk I discovered yesterday was the fact that Wheaton residence get in free!  It was, of course, the one time I didn't have my photo idea on me, as I had left it in Paul's wallet.  Thankfully, even for non-residence, it is only three dollars for adults, and kids up to the age of 17 are free!  The kids seemed to enjoy looking at the animals, petting the donkey, watching a chicken being trained, and ended with a Dora and Spiderman popsicle at the Coyote Cafe!  Zaylee and Remington were lounging in the stroller, and were both extremely tired, but I'm sure they liked it too! :)

After the zoo, we headed over to the "Rocket Ship" park on Lambert.  I had heard it had a splash pad, and it was the perfect day for a little water time fun!  Well, it was a fun park, but the splash pad was a bit of a let down.  The kids had fun and that's really all that matters, right?  We did hear about another park not to far down Roosevelt that is a much bigger splash park--next time! 
At this point in the day, Zaylee had had enough fun, and was more than ready for her nap, but she stuck it out.  She even went down her first slide with the help of Kendrick, and enjoyed a little time in the swing!  The sprinkles were cold, and she didn't quite care for them, but the others had a blast, even little Remmers!

Remington had fun playing the older cousin while we tried to snap some cute pictures of Zaylee and him!  She doesn't mind kisses and snuggles normally, but this little guy grabbing on her wasn't her favorite.  Can't wait to watch the two of them and Cohen running around together when they are older!

They made amends a few minutes later! :)

It was a great day.  We love our time with the Theoharis family! :)